Tangled Webs

2011-06-28T01:04:00.000-05:00

So I have been going over things in my head. I miss him. I do.

But what do I miss? Do I miss him or do I miss being his wife? What do I miss? The life full of yelling and screaming? Or do I miss sharing a life with him?

I ache everytime I get off of work. I usually turn right and go to the home that is 2 minutes away. Now I turn left and go a half an hour. Do I miss coming home and finding him on the computer or do I miss coming home to him?

Everytime I think about losing all of that I get mad. Why? Is it because I am not in control of the situation? Or do I honestly want my life back with John?

He says he misses me only sometimes. He's being really mean. He's mad and he's hurting. But he says if he wanted a divorce then he would have sent me divorce papers already. I'm still waiting. I am expecting it. He's waiting to get the money to do it. He doesn't want to be the asshole and says he wants a divorce. He doesn't want the blame of not wanting to try to work it out. He doesn't want to go to counseling but he will so he can say that he did and it's not going to work and that's it. I know all of this and I am still going through it.

I haven't talked to him in 2 days. I miss talking to him. I keep going over in my head what I can do to convince him that this is what he wants. Too much has happened. Too much has been said and done. And it's a lot to get over.

What is bothering me so much about all of this?? The guilt? The fact that I screwed up AGAIN??

I miss being close to him. I miss the smell of his soap in the morning. I miss the smell of his shampoo. I miss the kiss I got every morning. I miss being his wife. I miss him. I miss the way he would end up laying on top of me. The way he had to be touching me when he fell asleep. I miss holding his hand. I miss his blue eyes.

Yes I miss my husband. I miss him with every fiber of my being. I miss "us". I miss being with him. I miss family dinners. I miss sitting on the edge of the bed and talking. I miss all of it. Was my life so bad that I had to find another to replace the things that I thought I was missing? Part of me says yes. I did feel like I was being ignored. I was left alone - even if he was in the same house. I had to go to him. I had to go to him if I wanted to be intimate. I had to go to him if I wanted to talk. I had to go to him if he wanted to talk. I had to go into the bedroom if I wanted to watch TV with him. He made no effort to spend time with me doing the things that I wanted to do. But what did I want to do?? I wanted to dance - I wanted to dance with my husband. I told him several times. I got there is no room. I told him we can move the couch and turn the music on. He agreed. But did he make any effort? Did I? Did he show any interest?? No. He showed interest when I told him that I wanted to go the range, when I wanted to practice shooting. He showed interest when I was interested in the things he wanted to do.... I got a lot of support then. Did he show interest when I wanted to first learn how to play the guitar? He was more interested in the cost and when I found Albert and "low cost" lessons, he was more concerned about gas money. I got "Hey it's sounding really good" every once in a while. Was that encouragement? What was that?
____________________________________

I went through the box that he packed. He packed. Not me. He keeps telling me that he doesn't know what he wants. But then I get boxes and trash bags of stuff. I get locked out of the house... He knows what he wants. He wants to be done with this. He wanted to be done with this a long time ago. He just didn't know how to express it. So he ignored and buried his head in the sand ... he allowed for all of this to happen. He let me slip though his fingers because he didn't want it anymore. It was a lot to deal with and he didn't want to deal... So I showed him a way out .... a really bad way to show it, but a way out. He took it.

Do I want to go back to that?

I look at what I have now. I have Albert. Albert, a person who appreciates who I am .... but does he know who I am really? He wants me and the kids. He says he needs me and the babies. He tells me that I'm beautiful. He loves me. He showers me with attention ..... and sometimes it's so overwhelming. I am afraid of it. How can he love me so much? He hardly knows me. I hardly know me.

I found a world that isn't so rigid. A world where the dishes don't really need to be done right now. A world that moves slower. A world full of music. My cousin is down the street. I can walk to her house. I miss the closeness that we had sometimes. I missed having somebody to talk to about anything. Somebody that actually listened to everything that I had to say and didn't get hurt by anything that I had to say or mad. I have felt so lost and alone for so long that ANY kind of attention was needed. And boy did I find it.

I was tired. So tired ... and I can't wake up. I'm more tired now than I was living in that house.

2011-06-20T11:32:00.000-05:00

I just started washing the first of the bags that John had so nicely packed of the kids clothes.

When I went to pick up my insurance card, there were garbage bags upon garbage bags full of clothes that he and maybe his kids stuffed in garbage bags and they were placed on the porch. Just like he did with Zack's clothes when he was mad and hurt with him. So I don't doubt that his kids helped him pack.

Funny he hasn't touched my stuff. It think it's that final step before the end. It says he needs time - time to make sure that I have given up that other life.

That other life.............. this man, Albert, has a temper. He acts like a child when he is mad and drunk. I was called a whore and a slut. He's seen right through me and thrown everything back in my face. And yet I find myself missing him and I love him. I see a life with him. I see the future with him. And yes, I love him. But is it love because I am lonely, or is it real love?

I can't see the future with John. I can't see us old together. I can't even start to imagine it. I can't see anything with John. I'm lost. He hasn't even attempted to come and find me and it feels like if I want to come back, I have to find my way back ..... he won't even meet me half-way. Well not right now. But when? When I have become hopelessly lost and there is nothing left in my heart to go back to? Yes he needs time, but my time is limited....

Yes I am the one who left, I am the one who strayed. I am the one who has hurt him and others around me.....

But doesn't he understand that he has done his fair share of hurting - it's a whole lot of little things. Things I learned to ignore and get over. Yes I ignored them, and I got over them because it was required to keep the peace and my sanity. It gets old .... SO OLD!

I told John I wanted to move back to Hondo. The appeal to Hondo is that it's slower out there. Things don't move so quickly. John was going in a direction so quickly and it was scaring me. He was preparing for the end - the end of what? The fall of the government? A virus attack? Zombies? His job? Us? He lost faith? Did he ever have it? He became an angry American. I didn't want to be an angry American. I was angry enough, there wasn't room enough to be angry even more....He wanted to make a difference. I wanted a clean house with co-operative kids.... I wanted a husband that showed affection. I wanted a husband that hugged me because he wanted to ... not because he felt he had to. Or needed some purpose to hug me - like bear hugs. I wanted affection outside the bedroom. When I tried to talk to him about this he told me I was wrong. I don't know if he actually believed that or if he just didn't know how to fix it. I told him that we need some counseling .. .I got great, how are we going to pay for that?

I don't see the future with John.... it's lost. I used to imagine us traveling around the country after the kids left. I used to imagine riding on the back of the bike .... I haven't been on the bike in so long. That seat hasn't been my seat for a long time. My jacket and helmet aren't mine anymore. They belong to Shelby. And that pisses me off. It pisses me off that I am jealous of a 14 year old for the time he spends with her that was once mine.... the passenger seat on the bike was mine.

I'm tired of tears. I am tired of crying. I am tired to thinking about this. I am tired of all of this indecision. There is no joy in my life right now. I can't find the joy in naything.......

2011-06-16T12:39:00.000-05:00

Since I don't have my social network anymore, I have really nothing to do.

I don't want to spend my time in front of the TV. It's too damn hot outside. I live next to the sun, believe me, it's right next door. I have started a chain for something but I don't know what. I don't have the patience to read. And to start another social page does not appeal to me.

So .... here I am. In front of my computer, typing to anonymous people who aren't even paying attention to this. I believe all of my ranting and raving is going out in internet limbo where it just stays! Which is fine with me. I guess.

I feel the need to type. I feel the need to scream and cry and cry till there is nothing left. I want solitude. I want to be left alone. I don't want to deal with the day to day life of anything right now. But alas I have 3 kids that don't need my direct attention all of the time, but still need my attention. I have a marriage that is in shambles that needs attention. I have a head that needs attention. I have thoughts that need attention. The person who gave me the attention that I wanted is gone now. It's for the best. He needs to get on with his life. Obviously this isn't the right time or the place for us to be together. I love him but not enough. It's never been a question that I loved him, I do. It's how much. A relationship based on deceit. It's not a good one. Why is it that we are faced with the what ifs and regrets?

I am thankful that my mom is giving me a haven for now. I am thankful that she has enough room in her heart to allow me to come back. I have felt so alone for so long. I don't feel so alone anymore....

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So ...... I had a little break down yesterday. I have surrendered my gun to my husband until I am in a better frame of mind.

I was also called a whore, a slut.... and have been degraded and put in my place.... down below the dredges of the earth. Everything that I touch turns to shit. I don't know how to do anything but to spread my legs and make myself feel good, because I don't know of any other way to do it..... Isn't that what the definition of a whore is?

I am tired.... just tired. I give up. I tried to juggle all of this and in the end, I lost. I lost my husband, I lost my lover.... I lost my best friend. I have hurt too many people on my road to self destruction. I shouldn't be allowed onto society.

2011-06-15T10:14:00.000-05:00

Day #1 without facebook. Yes I miss the daily updates of all my friends. My social network. It made me feel connected to my friends and co-workers. So now I am off and not in the loop again.

I haven't talked to him since yesterday. He was pretty angry. I don't blame him. It would make me angry. I am so afraid of talking to him now. Afraid of him just making me feel like there is hope because he doesn't want to seem like an asshole. He doesn't want to be the one who doesn't want to work things out. He wants to make it seem like it is all me. Like his first wife.... who chose her lover over him.

I miss my bear hugs. I miss his blue eyes, eyes as blue as the water. I miss the excitement in his eyes when things go right. I miss the fact that he can fix ANYTHING. My jar opener, my high place reacher. I missed the fact that he refuses to eat dinner anywhere but the kitchen table and our family dinners. I miss the security of him being near me, sleeping next to me. I miss him. I miss his smell. I miss the scents that came from him taking a shower, the smell of his soap and shampoo. The smell of his clothes. The smell of his aftershave. I miss him so badly.

I am afraid of losing him. I am afraid of not being his wife anymore. I am afraid of forever without him. And maybe that is the difference between him and me. He's not afraid of forever without me .... he doesn't need me in his life like I need him. He's told me as much. He wants me in his life, he doesn't need me. He can live without me, and he is doing a damn good job without me.

2011-06-08T14:22:00.000-05:00

Things have gotten so messed up. FUBAR is the word. And now the aftermath is so unrecognizable that it's impossible to ever look back.

I miss him so bad. I have hurt him so bad. And I need somebody to talk to that will just sit and listen and not make me make a plan or to influence my decisions. Or give me ultimatums.

I want to go back and make things better. And he won't even entertain the idea.

Going back to the way it was is not an options, but I think that going forward and repairing is better. But where I am at is pummeling every little last bit of what it left.

I need to leave, but I'm afraid to be left with nobody. And I shouldn't be afraid of being by myself. I am afraid of hurting somebody else. I don't want to hurt anybody else, and in the process, I am hurting myself. And I am hurting beyond normal hurt.

Why can't I be happy? Why can't I be happy with any of the decisions that I make?

Why do I get angry and make impulsive decisions? I think that they are better at the time, but they really aren't. I heard him tell me not to go ....... but I don't know why I didn't listen. Maybe because it seemed like he didn't listen to me ..... I mean not just hear what I was saying, but really listen. I gave him all of the insight in the world as to what was going on with me .... and he didn't hear or see it. He knew. He knew and he did nothing. What does that mean? Does it mean that he was tired as well and didn't really think that it was worth saving, worth fighting for?

Right now it's not, it's all on pieces on the ground shattered. It's beyond gorilla glue fixable.

I have prayed ... well I have said prayers. Are they enough? No, I don't think so. I need to just sit and meditate, pray. I want to be by myself .... and just think. Is that possible? Is it possible to be by myself and just think? There is no way of being just by myself, except for the rides to SA to go to work and coming back.... and they aren't really by myself, I'm on the phone.

Time to go ...... things to do.

2010-09-05T22:49:00.000-05:00

"Whenever I am alone with you, you make me feel like I am free."

A friend of mine had posted that to her facebook. I saw that and it summed it all up - my feelings, my attachment, and my feelings of being empty and alone without you despite being with someone and loved.

2010-09-02T02:16:00.002-05:00

I miss you...................

God Bless......

2010-09-01T04:04:00.000-05:00

the broken road.

He thinks he's a piece of shit dad. He thinks it's all his fault. He thinks that his life is one big failure.

Maybe I shouldn't think too much into it because he's mad and upset.

I shouldn't make it about me, because it isn't about me. Although, it has been made about me. It's because of me the spawn isn't here. It's because of me the spawn doesn't want to step foot in the house. It's because of me the mom doesn't want to talk to him. It's because of me that the family is torn apart. And you know all this blame is kinda tiring to carry around. I don't want to be in this place anymore and I don't think that he would go after me if I leave. It's just easier for me to fade away into the background and not exist in his world...........

2010-08-29T02:03:00.002-05:00

I haven't posted for quite a while.

I haven't really had the time or the desire to write.

I have this big knot at the base of my head. Stress. Stress about stuff that I can't talk about to anybody about. It's eating away at me. I want to scream. I want to rip the hair out of my head. I feel like there is a hole in my chest .... and I really shouldn't. I feel like I should run, but to where? This stress is too much, but I can't talk to the person that I should be talking to. He will make it all about him. I can't tell him my fears. I can't tell him that eventually I feel like he is going to leave. Eventually he will stop wanting me.

I feel sick to my stomach.

I miss him so much. I miss talking to him. I miss his friendship. Why..........

Pity Party #1

2009-10-27T09:17:00.004-05:00

It's the end of October. The weather is cooler and I'm looking forward to winter and a start of a new year. The funny thing is I'm not looking forward to the holidays. I am not looking forward to family gatherings. I think it is safe to say that I want to just crawl under this rock with my name on it and let life pass me by. Scorpio nature, I guess.

March 29, 2008 was the happiest day in my life. I married my best friend in the whole world. Since that day, our children have tested that love and commitment. Let me tell you it has been a big test. Our household holds one less as this child decided to live with his mother because he didn't like the way our household was being ran.

Before my grandmother passed, she told me that I am the heart of my family. I feel like I have let her down. For the sake of the peace in the household, we decided to let one go. Our household is a little more calm. It's still a little chaotic, but its family life.

I am working at a grocery store now. I think life has made a full circle now. I have made a complete 360 and I'm back to where I started. I rose above the muck that I was in for while, and now I'm back to where I was when I fell into that muck. The only thing that's different is I am happily married. So now where do I go from here??

My mom says that I need to make goals. I need to write goals and stick them everywhere. OMG, even if I think that it would work for me, I think twice about doing it because I don't want my husband thinking that I'm a dork. I think the one goal I have in my life right now is not to eat the entire kitchen in one day. So do I write on a piece of paper .... DO NOT EAT THE ENTIRE KITCHEN IN ONE DAY?? and where do I put it?? On the cupboards and the fridge??

Sigh. I love my pity parties.

Why?

2008-03-11T14:34:00.003-05:00

Ok...I have just one question.

Why do solicitors when they call are so polite on the phone until you tell them that the person they are looking for is unavailable and then they don't tell you thank you for your time in answering the phone or just tell ok...bye now...they just hang up?

I MEAN HOW RUDE!

Is it their goal to get as many phone calls in a minute that they can't give you the common courtesy to end the phone conversation that they started instead of just disconnecting the line. I mean I have to stop what I am doing, answer the phone, and then write who ever called, then try to find my place where I stopped and continue working. Is it so much to ask for common courtesy?

I Wonder

2008-02-28T08:02:00.002-06:00

Why is it so easy to think that just because I have a family I do not want to be disturbed? I call Douglas all the time...he has a family. If he can't talk, or doesn't want to talk he doesn' t answer the phone - which lately is more often than not.

Even though I have people all around me, all the frickin time, I'm lonely. I have John to talk to but it's not the same as having a person to just talk to about EVERYTHING. I miss having my cousin around - we are likes sisters. She's 45 miles away- and the phone reception in D'Hanis is really bad....So I don't get to talk to her that much.

I never really had very many friends growing up. I was sorta awkward. As I grew up, I found friends here and there, but they never really stuck around. I guess that's just how it is and how things work with me. I don't normally go out and when I do I keep to myself. I come off as not sociable and unfriendly. It comes from being picked on all the time as a kid - kids can be so cruel sometimes. I learned to tolerate it, and just move on and keep to myself. My kids are the opposite of me. They are so outgoing and they make friends easy. Jared can talk your ear off if you let him. Adults are amazed at some of the stuff that Jared knows and how easy he can talk about it....if you are ever around Jared, strike up a conversation with him...you won't be sorry.

Anyway...enough of the poor me bit. I do have to get to work. (time to make the donuts)

Friday started out with Breakfast at McDonalds

2008-02-08T09:27:00.000-06:00

Today is John's birthday! Happy Birthday Sweetie!!

Like any other day, it was a chore to get him up- but because I had a good nights rest last night it wasn't so irritating. It's amazing what Tylenol PM can do for a pounding sinus headache.

My nose is still stuffy, and I can't taste anything AGAIN! I hope that I can get my sinuses clear so I can taste dinner tonight - we are going to Pappadeaux! This is John's favorite place to eat....pretty damn expensive - but it's his birthday what the hell.

So this morning, John is running late AGAIN. So I offered to get breakfast because things run so much smoother on breakfast than without....I asked him what he wanted ...he said "surprise me" SO GUESS WHAT I BOUGHT? Yep you guessed it.........MICKEY DEES. I love thier sausage mcmuffin with egg. I could eat those for breakfast everyday! If you are looking for a great breakfast sandwich, go to McDonalds.

Wedding Update - I haven't got a clue where we are at in this....and THIS IS MY WEDDING? I bought the jar and little vases for the sand/salt ceremony that we are going to have. This is kinda like a unity candle - but with salt/sand....

Last Wednesday, John's mentor died. He was working on a truck and didn't have the wheels chocked and was pulling the drive shaft and the truck rolled on his chest. He died about 2 minutes after that. :-( It was a tragic accident for somebody who was loved by all. I never got to know him, but at his ulogy I cried because I missed out on meeting such a great man. John took it very hard but handled it very well. I am glad that I was there for him....

We bought a suit for John for the funeral - omg!! I never really realized that suits cost so much. We went to the men's wearhouse - which is probably why it cost so much, but he got a nice suit. I was impressed how well he cleans up. In total - the price of the suit and the shirts, ties, a belt and suspenders (when he discovered that the belt didn't really work and suspenders worked better) and socks to go with the suit, I would say that we spent over $500 getting him ready for the funeral...but also we got him ready for the wedding as well. It's all a bit overwhelming to say the least. We spent more on his suit - than my dress...there is something wrong with this whole thing....hmmmm. I haven't even thought about my dress....ugh. I'm a fat cow....i need to lose about 5,000,000 lbs.

But the church has been paid for...and I have the invitations to send out. The room for the luncheon has been reserved....we need to buy the rings, my dress, shoes for the girls and Zack and Me, get Vicki's dress altered, and the salt and pastels (to color the salt) for the salt/sand ceremony....I'm still wanting to tear my hair out. How do people plan big weddings without going nuts?

MI VIDA LOCA!

2008-01-25T13:47:00.001-06:00

It's strange the way things work out.

You know about 4 years ago, I would have told you that my ex-boyfriend was it. He was my world, my everything. My connection to the world outside the big state of Texas.

OMG - I was such an ignorant asshole. He was my everything, but I wasn't his everything. When push came to shove, he would not commit, and made deals instead of giving in and committing. Anything but tell me that I was it.

It's funny. I had a page on Cafemom. I since then deleted it. I found this person that is dating somebody exactly like my ex. They live in Michigan...what a coinky dink. She has kids. It's funny that the daughter seems to be 5 years old, going on 6...and I have been here for 6 years. They have a baby and it looks exactly like his mom.....HELLO...what the heck was I thinking? CHECK IT OUT Is it cynical to think that he had this whole other life up there that I wasn't apart of. I guess that it would be kinda silly...how would he explain the trips to Texas? But you know - maybe he didn't commit to her like he didn't commit to me. Thinking this way make it easier to dislike him and disassociate myself from him. People who knew my ex should see resemblance.

Anyway! As many of you know, I am getting married. We set the date for March 29, 2008. YIKES...2 months and 4 days to plan.

I HAVE DISCOVERED EBAY. I have found some really good deals on dresses for the girls...and I have found a dress for me and it didn't cost me $100.00. wow. I think in total - our dresses costed me - $100.00 totall. Not bad for 4 people....my dress is the more expensive of the 4....being $60.00 to SH.

So with that taken care of, I have to worry about the boys and John. Shoes, and other things that go underneath the dresses, and socks, hair prettys, flowers, the luncheon - which I thought was ok until DUTCH told me that the place I picked had cold food....so now I'm stressing about the luncheon.....and HOW I AM GOING TO TELL MY BOSS THAT THE LUNCHEON IS FOR FAMILY ONLY.... then the cake....the sand ceremony....it all seemed relatively easy...until I started to add it all together.... then I have to plan for my hair, what the heck am I going to do with the girls' hair?....I'M GOING NUTS....help!

All of this and I have a house to run, cats to feed, dogs to feed, kids to feed, a fiance that plays constant warcraft....and a laundry monster that breathes as we speak. TGIF!

So what's new with all of you??

If You Were Wondering....

2007-12-15T14:09:00.001-06:00

No, I'm dead.....I died.

Just in case you're wondering.

I got ran over by an H.E.B. Truck. The truck made it....too bad that I didn't.

You can send your condolences to Dutch...oh and my fiance and kids.

Love ya!!

Xmas and Happy Holidays

2007-12-11T12:03:00.000-06:00

I recently encountered a journal post on Cafemom saying shame on you to people who use Xmas instead of Christmas. That everybody who uses it is disrespectful and is trying to take Christ out of Christmas. Not everybody who uses it thinks that.

This practice came from the Greeks and the X is a symbol that represents Christ. It is an ancient practice - and it is not meant as a sign of disrespect or trying to take Christ out of Christmas. If the symbol represents Christ, then how can it be taking Him out of Christmas?

There are many symbols representing Christ. In the Christianity, Christ is represented by the cross.

"Christ" was often written as "XP" or "Xt"; there are references in the Anglo-Saxon Chronicle as far back as 1021 AD. This X and P arose as the uppercase forms of the Greek letters χ and ρ), used in ancient abbreviations for Χριστος (Greek for "Christ"), and are still widely seen in many Eastern Orthodox icons depicting Jesus Christ. (Wikipedia)

I don't understand why people get so bent out of shape when it comes to using an X to represent Christ in Christmas. GIVE ME A BREAK. Shame on people who blog about such BS without researching before posting their opinions.

If you are wishing somebody a Merry Christmas, or a Merry Xmas - the sentiment is still there. I prefer to say Merry Christmas because that is what I am used to.

As far as taking Christ out of Christmas, those who celebrate Christmas seem to leave him in. A LOT OF PEOPLE do not recognize that the reason Christmas is celebrated is because the birth of Jesus Christ and they teach their children that Santa is the reason for Christmas - and that is wrong. That is taking Christ out of Christmas.

Everybody has to realize too that there are different cultures and religions in the United States - not just Christianity. Isn't it arrogant to think that just because you are in the US, you have to celebrate Christmas? Isn't it in the Constitution that we have the freedom of Religion? Isn't the freedom of religion part of the reason why this Country was created? It is silly to get upset over wishing somebody - HAPPY HOLIDAYS. There is nothing wrong with stores wishing everybody "HAPPY HOLIDAYS" There are so many different holiday cultures being celebrated during this time of year - it's arrogant to think that Christmas is the only thing that should be celebrated and Merry Christmas should be the only thing said or wished. I think that people should look at the whole picture here before condemning stores for not saying Merry Christmas, but Happy Holidays to accomodate the different cultures that are here in the United States.

But - I do have one quirk about all of this. IF YOU ARE GOING TO CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS BY PUTTING UP A CHRISTMAS TREE - then call it a Christmas Tree (or an Xmas Tree) - not a holiday tree. If you are going to celebrate Christmas with your children, please make sure they know the reason we celebrate this holiday - the birth of our Lord. I tell my children that we celebrate Jesus' birthday - we give and receive presents as a symbol of love and giving - like our own birthday. If Jesus was never born, then we wouldn't have this holiday - So please remember him.

Sorry that was so long...but I did have to get that off my mind.

Inspiring Quote Tuesday

2007-11-27T09:34:00.000-06:00

God always answers our prayer. Either He changes the circumstances, or He supplies sufficient power to overcome them.

I'M STILL ALIVE

2007-10-12T21:42:00.000-05:00

FOR ALL OF YOU THAT WERE WONDERING AND MISSING ME....OR NOT....BUT STILL...I'M HERE IF ANYBODY CARES!!!

Things that I have to blog because I have to.........

2007-10-12T21:21:00.000-05:00

ok....lets start off with ....

top 10 reasons why 2 arms are better than one....

10. you can stretch both butt cheeks at the same time
9. have you ever played guitar with one hand??
8. you can pat your head and rub your tummy at the same time
7. you can drive and return complimentary gestures at the same time
6. Have you ever tried to balance on a tight rope with one arm?
5. ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...........you can eat white castles with 2 hands
4. have you ever tried to peel an orange with one hand
3. you can eat grapes and point to your brain at the same time
2. you need to arms to fly!!
and the number one reason why 2 arms are better than one is........
1. the better to do battle with crock pots!!! :-) (Britney Spears eat your shorts!)

on another note......

Yes dj was right regarding my glasses being cold.....i wasn't wearing them at the time....and yes they were by some place wooden.

Sonic....yummmy!!!!! And a Picture of Whataburger

2007-09-02T22:46:00.000-05:00

2007-08-17T09:32:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's a lack of sleep, but my mood is very blah.

My living room looks like a clothing tornado hit it. At least it doesn't look like a hurricane hit it like it did yesterday.

I have to register the kids for school still. This is the last step in moving completely in. It's starting to take it's toll on me.

I keep telling myself not to get too comfortable because eventually he will see right through me and tell me to get out. Isn't that silly? I can't seem to get settled in here. I keep wanting to just pack up and go back to my mom's house, and I can't come up with a reason why. Cold Feet? Anxiety?

Who knows - I just have to wait out this funk that has fallen over me. I'm hoping that it won't take too long.

The past 2 Weekends

2007-08-13T23:57:00.000-05:00

About a year ago, I sent a general email out to a long lost friend. It was from one of those people search engines. I finally got a response from that person 5 days ago. I'm kinda geeked. I finally got a hold of a person that has been on my mind for a while now.

My trip to Wisconsin was great. I had a really good time. I met John's extended family. The wedding was nice...the reception was nice too. I had a magical beer cup that kept re-filling. It was pretty cool. But I don't think that I will be drinking beer anytime soon.

On the last day, John and I spent the last day in Chicago. It was our last full weekend with just us...and it was the perfect way to spend it. We walked along Lake Michigan, I got a couple of shots of the beach on the camera on my phone, but I can't really get the off my phone without paying a fee (damn sprint people). We also spent our time at the Muesum of Science and Industry. They have this CSI Experience thing goin....It's pretty neat. It's set up so anybody can solve it....but it's kinda neat to see how the process goes.

We went to pick the kids up this past weekend. It is good to have them home.

We drove past Graceland. No, we didn't get out to look at the manor, but from what I saw of it, it looked gimungus!!! Allison was satisfied with driving past it...but only after I promised her that the next time we will actually get out and go. I didn't want to get out this time because of the all the people that were there for the anniversary of Elvis' death. I have turned Allison into an Elvis freak...not to mention an early Michael Jackson freak as well. I know...stop rolling your eyes at me....I told her that there is nothing wrong with liking MJ's music. After all, he was a great entertainer back in the day!!!

Ok all, I have a 13 year old reading as I'm typing and it's 20 minutes to 1...and I'm tired ...and I would bet she is too, but won't admit it. I'm thinking she's waiting to get on the computer so she can work on her myspace page....hmmmmmm.

TTFN!!! MMMUUUAAAHHHH!

Calvin and Hobbes

2007-08-13T23:56:00.000-05:00

Funny-------------------->

Didyamissme?

2007-07-31T21:35:00.000-05:00

I know that I have been away for a while....Sorry.

I really didn't have anything to blog about. I figured that nobody wants to hear me whine....I get tired of hearing me whine.

I have been spending a lot of time on a website called cafemom. I found this website on myspace. It's nice to have somebody who understands where I'm coming from. There are a lot of groups to join, and there is so much drama at times. I would recommend any MOMS to check it out...it's a neat website.

Anyway, I have a little less than 11 days before I go and pick up my kids. It's been a real trying 6 weeks. I missed them so much. I am glad that they are coming home.

John and I are going to Wisconsin on Friday. A cousin of his is getting married. I am told that this wedding is going to be big...and I'm going to meet a lot of family. I'm not really sure if I should be nervous or not. We are flying into Chicago - woo hoo...another keychain to add to my collection.

Ok...I'm off. I'll be back after my trip.

When IS enough beer Enough???

2007-07-20T00:19:00.000-05:00

This photo was in a website that I belong to....

Ummmm...

I'm not saying anymore...

just thought I would share.

TAGGED!!!

2007-07-04T00:50:00.000-05:00

I was recently tagged by dabich:

It is almost 1:00 a.m....and i'm tired of being on the computer.....I will post after I get home tomorrow from SeaWorld.

Love you dabich!!!

Day #4

2007-07-04T00:45:00.001-05:00

This is day #4 without my children.

Needless to say that my house is empty and it's really quiet.

I decided that after 6 years of being estranged from their father, they needed to see him. It was time that they get to know who he is, and what he is all about.
On Saturday, June 30, we met my ex in Arkanas. That was the halfway point between San Antonio and Detroit. It was a good reunion. The kids picked up like they just saw him the day before.

They were so excited to see him. I was less than thrilled. I wanted to just tell him it was a mistake and I changed my mind. He doesn't deserve them. He has hardly made any efforts to see them or to support them...what makes him think that he can just waltz back in their lives after all of this time that has gone by? But I thought better of it because the kids were happy.

Today when I called, he had his "girlfriend" in the car with them. It made my blood boil. How dare he! I know this is unreasonable, but I don't know this woman. You would figure that he would at least spend a little more time with them before introducing a new person into their lives. I know I'm over-reacting about the girlfriend. And maybe I am looking for reasons to go and get my kids.

My insecurities are getting the better of me. Who am I if I don't have my kids with me? How does one get used to this?? I am in constant fear that something will happen to one of them and I'm not going to be there for them. I know that after time goes by, I will get used to this but this is going to be the longest 6 weeks I ever had to endure.

Anyway!!! I guess I should stop concentrating on that they are gone...and concentrate on the fact that I have this gynormus amount of time that I have to work on laundry...oh yay...on their rooms...and getting my affairs in order so I can register them for their new schools. and...maybe bug John to set a date for the wedding.

I guess that's it...I'm tired...and it's hard to keep my eyes open.

CRABBY!!!

2007-06-26T10:04:00.000-05:00

The other attorney that I work for told me that my boss probably won't be in today....and all I could think was YAY!! Not oh..that's too bad...or I hope that she is ok...but YAY!! She drives me absolutely apeshit most of the time. My ex told me that she's a seagull boss. NOW WHAT PRAYTELL IS A SEAGULL BOSS?? You know when all is quiet and going well, everything is running smoothly and your totally at peace at your desk, and then your boss comes in ...starts cawing and making a lot of noise...tearing up what ever you put together because IT'S WRONG...and then leaves to go back to her office....LIKE A SEAGULL.

I am so freaking tired today. John and I have been going to bed around 12:30 - 1:00 a.m. I have to be at work at 9:00 a.m. Lately, I have been so tired at work that when I take my lunch I will take a nap - it seems to help but dawg...I want to go to bed at a decent hour. I want the impossible...I want my cake and eat it too...I WANT TO GO TO BED BEFORE 11...OR AT LEAST HAVE TOTALLY HAVE THE TV TO MYSELF WITH NO KIDS AROUND TO BUG ME AND BE ABLE TO FALL ASLEEP ON THE COUCH SO I CAN AT LEAST GET A FEW HOURS MORE THAN WHAT I HAVE BEEN GETTING. (YAAAAAWWWWWNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!) DAMMIT.

It is now almost 10:30 and I normally start coffee, like the good secretary that I am, but I don't know if I should or not...hmmm. She normally calls by now - she hasn't yet. Now watch her come in and say... "NO COFFEE?? What have you been doing all morning?"

I'm pretty cranky. I'm really glad that I don't have to be here after 3. I can go home and take a nap before I have to cook dinner...which will take all of 20 minutes to make. Gotta love mac and cheese..it's so versatile - you can add anything to mac n cheese...tonight we are going to have cheesy mac with veggies. Not the best meal in the world, but you know when you have as many kids as the old lady in the shoe, you don't have many choices with meal times.

Ok...so I'm done grumbling. I need to get some work done...laters!

IT LIVES!!! IT LIVES!!!

2007-06-24T13:56:00.000-05:00

Hello!

Yes I"m still alive! Did ya'll miss me?

I have been on hiatus from my blog. I really didn't have much to blog about. UNTIL NOW!

We moved into John's house. I am an official resident of the household now. I have to go and change my address on my driver license. I'm not looking forward to that. Especially since I have to pay to get this done....grrrr. I also have to renew my license in November...but I have to change my address so I can change the kids schools in the fall....So I have to do this twice...ugh. I can't even do this on the internet because I have to go personally to the office. YUCK.

I have been spending a lot of time on this new website called cafemom. It's for moms. I have found its a place to vent, tell jokes, vent, share, vent, be catty to other women, and vent....It's a pretty neat website. Check it out.

We leave to give the children to their father for 6 weeks on Friday. We are meeting their dad in Memphis, that is in Tennessee for people who are geographically challenged - like me. I am not really looking forward to doing this....about 2 months ago, I was jumping for joy at the aspect of being absolutely KID FREE for a while. Now that the event is almost here, I'm freaking. I have not been away from my children for more that 3 days since we moved to Texas...I am having separation anxiety and we haven't even been separated yet. I suppose that when I get used to not having to fight with them to do any kind of housework, or yell at them to go to bed, I will revel in the fact that I don't have children for a while, but then I guess I will miss them that much more because I don't have anybody to pick on, yell at, to hug, to laugh with and at. *sigh* I don't know how I will really react until the blessed event is upon us.

Anyway...I have to get going. I have to go to my mom's house to pick up a couple of suitcases and visit with her. That sounds pretty nice right? I have to visit with my mother. It's nice to be able to leave and not have to be there ALL the time.

See ya'll laters...loveyammmuuuaaahhh!!

HI!!

2007-06-19T08:30:00.000-05:00

I am still a live. Life's been a little busy since I moved. Will write more soon!!

Almost the Weekend Rant!!!

2007-05-31T14:01:00.000-05:00

I have been by myself for all of my shift.

I don't like to be by myself. It makes for a boring day...although I have found that I am not tired and not falling asleep at my desk. hmmmmmmmm.

My kids have called me at least umteen times. I think that I am lucky that my boss is in court today. I would have gotten a frustrated look followed by "too many personal calls".

This first part of moving has been really hectic. I think my anxiety of moving is the fact there is so much stuff that we have accumulated at my moms house and we are supposed to move into a 3 bedroom house and combine and adjust as we go along. I have moved immediate clothing, my radio, the contents of my bathroom cabinet, my jewelry box, and my crocheting stuff. John is suppose to go thru his closet and alleviate some of the extra clothes that he does not wear. So I will be able to fit some of my clothes in ....but that hasn't happened yet. We cleaned Zack's room, but still need to clean out the closet, move Jared's bed in and rearrange so there is some room for Jared's things too.

The girls' room is a complete disaster, because Shelby has so many clothes she doesn't know what to do with. They land on the floor, in her closet, shoved in her dresser, under the bed and eventually back in the dirty clothes to be rewashed and start the cycle all over again. grrrr. My girls have the same problem...but it's gotten better - somewhat. We have to fit 3 girls in this room until we have the garage renovated into a bedroom and laundry room.

Reality is setting in. Zack and I got into a gigantic argument the other day. It's amazing how a 13 year old can push the limits. He's got a very big disrespectful streak...and all everybody who does not see him everyday is that he's a real sweet kid.....HA. I am not saying that my kids are angels...they're not by all means...but when it comes to respect and knowing when not to toe that line, they are pretty much right on. All I have to do is give them that look and they know that they're in trouble.

Back to Reality setting in. I knew that this wasn't going to be easy. But I'm getting a bigger dose of it than what I have been getting. Kids don't make it any easier. I don't mind being a wife, in fact I love being a wife, it's being a mother of 5 is starting to wear on me. I fall on that bed dead tired...and I'm asleep not too long after my head hits that pillow. I need STRUCTURE! The kids need discipline. AND I NEED A BREAK!!!!!

Saturday Ramblings

2007-05-26T09:49:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning to weird dreams about my relatives and future relatives. I can't exactly remember what the dreams were about and the memory of them are fading the more awake I become.

We are going to Hondo today because my niece is graduating from high school. I have to attend this because she is my niece. My aunts and uncles attended this right of passage for me, I have to do the same. BUT I DON'T WANT TO GO....Hondo is 45 minutes away...and it's a half of tank of gas to get there. With gas prices they way they are, I don't want to drive all the way out there.

Next year will mark 20 years since I graduated high school. YIKES. I hated high school. Well - ok... high school hated me. I actually liked going to school. I don't have very many good memories about high school. My good memories came about when I became an adult. My mom tells me that I only remember the bad stuff and the good stuff gets forgotten with me. hmmmmm. I SO LOVE MY MOM - I have to love her - because sometimes..... I guess I will appreciate her more when I move out and she's not wanting to be involved in every aspect of my life.

The kids get out of school the Wednesday after Memorial Day. What's the point of going to school for those 2 days? *sigh*

My baby's birthday is next Sunday. She is going to be 9. She's growing up so fast. It makes me sad sometimes. They all are growing up way to fast. When you compare her to 3 years ago, she has grown up so fast...her personality has developed...she has a sense of humor...she's the most beautiful girl on this earth...(along with the sister)...she is independent...and extremely smart. And if she has an opinion about something she is not afraid to tell you. I just wish we can turn the whiny around...but I think that it's age appropriate. All 3rd graders are whiny...and all 13 year olds are whiny and bitchy- but that is for another post - I don't have time to go into whiny and bitchy.

Anyway...I guess I should start my day. I'm hungry....breakfast sounds really good right now.

Post before Laundry day and another day of cleaning

2007-05-21T12:46:00.000-05:00

I woke up this morning with the intention of coming back home (my new home) and cleaning and doing laundry. I ended up catching on a couple of hours of sleep that I lost on the weekend. So now here it is about 1:00 in the afternoon and I just got back home and not wanting to do all of this stuff that is before me; but if I don't get it started and kinda finished I will have twice as much next weekend. I can't wait for school to end so we can be here all the time and I don't have to worry about getting things done on the weekend...I'll have all week to do it and it won't be so much.

Seaworld was a blast. In past years, we weren't allowed to play - we just saw shows and left. Seaworld is so much more than that. John took Allison on the roller coaster there - she said it was a little scary at first but she wanted to go again. Jared rode his first roller coaster..it was called the "Great White". I thought he would come back to me in tears....nope!! The smile he had was ear to ear. I guess that my fears were spilling over to my children. The whole family rode the "Sky Tube" which was a water tube ride that was really high...other than being ccccooolllddddd...it was great. The shows were o.k....the first couple of times they were good...now they are kinda old...We sit in the splash zones just to get wet...and it would have been OK if it wasn't so cold. I got soaked at the sea lion show....John was dozing off during the show and was rudely awakened by getting drowned in sea water....rotflmao!!!! he he he! All in all it was a great family day. I am glad that John convinced me to get season passes - we have something to do during the summer. :-)

Sunday we joined John's family at Canyon Lake and got the pontoon boat wet. That was fun. Then it started to rain. If the weather would have cooperated it would have been really fun.

So now we are playing catch up with the house work and laundry...but it was worth it. Gotta get going and get started.

Seaworld

2007-05-19T08:39:00.000-05:00

Today we are going to Seaworld. They have a new ride called "Journey to Atlantis". It's suppose to be pretty cool...it's a water roller coaster....and although I really hate roller coasters -- it comes from this fear of heights that I have -- I am looking forward to going. The waterpark is open too...so the kids are excited about going swimming.

Today is normally a day to do housework, yell at the kids, do laundry...stuff like that. I'm really hoping that I will be able to catch up with everything tomorrow. There doesn't seem that much to do...I don't think...I haven't checked the clothes hamper in the kid's bathroom.

I have to look for my swimsuit when I get home. I'm not really looking forward to putting on my swimsuit...hmmmmm. I am wanting to take pictures - but the digital camera isn't working...so I have to use a disposable camera...I think it would be better to use one anyway because of the water.

I guess I should get going because all I'm doing is wasting time typing away!! I will post later to let you know how things went -- :-)

Today

2007-05-17T09:36:00.000-05:00

Today -

-- My fiance called me and told me that we don't have to drive 6 hours on Sunday to pick up our daughter. (whew) (there is another post in this one but not today)
-- Vicki left her homework on the dog kennel. (well at least she couldn't say my dog at my homework!)
-- I was late for work (what's new)
-- I had left over pizza for lunch. (I was hungry 3 hours later)
-- I had lots of free time at work and decided that I should do office work instead of typing on my blog - yay me!! :-)

-- I got home in a grumpy mood because I was over tired and needed to take a nap.

-- I worked on getting my marriage annulled. Yes I found out yesterday that I have to do an annullment too...although it's not as lengthy as my fiance's

-- I wanted to watch the new episode of "The Sopranos" but decided that I wanted to type on the computer.

-- I thank God that my children are happy, safe, and here to drive me batty.

I am not really sure if that's all about today that I want to share...not much happened today to share. It was a typical normal day in the life of Tink. My life can be sort of uneventful. I think I like it that way though.

Ok...I'm tired of being on the computer now. I'm going to bed...night!!

Wednesday Ramblings

2007-05-09T18:55:00.000-05:00

It's Wednesday, May 9, 2007.

I can't believe that time has passed so quickly. My daughter will be 13 in 2 days. YIKES. School ends on the 30th. And we move into John's house on June 1.

Where does the time go??

Wedding plans have come to a screeching halt. We can't set a wedding date. How can you make plans without a wedding date? *sigh* Sure you can look, and you get ideas, but ....the more I looked and stuff, the more frustrated I got because I can't really plan. Maybe I can get a wedding book going, and put all my ideas into it.

So as Father Time marches on...so does the tornado I call my life. I really wish that I can get the tornado slowed down to a sever thunderstorm.

Ok...gotta go. Loveyoubyebye....muuuaaahhh!!

Tomorrow

2007-04-26T22:02:00.000-05:00

It's Thursday!! It's the start of my 4 day weekend. You know sometimes I wonder what a regular work week feels like. Or what a normal paycheck looks like. I used to know. Sometimes I miss retail. I don't miss the inflexibility...but I miss the people and the always on my feet doing something with my hands...totally brainless job.

This is Fiesta Week in San Antonio. This week is totally dedicated in celebrating...although I'm not really sure why - but it's a good excuse to go downtown and enjoy the food, the crowds, and the enebriated people. I have been here in good ol' S.A. for about 5 1/2 years and I have never gone to Fiesta. John has told me that I'm not missing much but then I get told that it's an experience that I have experience. *sigh* I guess if I am going to go I have to find somebody to go with...there is always next year because Fiesta ends on Saturday.

I have a couple of things to do tomorrow anyway.

My son, Jared, has a fiesta party at school tomorrow. I volunteered to help out. This should be interesting...spending my lunch hour with a bunch of 4th graders. :-) I so love being a mom!! No seriously...I do love being a mom.

My almost step-daughter, Shelby, is spending the night tonight. She lives in another school district, and she doesn't have school tomorrow because of the Battle of Flowers Parade. So she is with me tomorrow. :-) She has become somebody special in my life. Like another daughter. We are going to do that Fiesta party with Jared's class - then Shelby has a doctor's appointment - I have to get my kids, and pack for the weekend - and go back home (John's house) - then figure out what we are going to have for dinner. Tomorrow is a full day!!

Yesterday was Secretary's day (Administrative Professional's day). I gotta love my bosses. For all of the complaining they do regarding my work, they do know how to make sure that I feel appreciated on the appropriate days. :-) I got a boquet of flowers from the other attorney that works in the office. He isn't my boss, but I am his secretary too. My boss took Sharon, the other secretary, and me and a court clerk to lunch. We also got gifts and cards. Yesterday, I got hardly anything accomplished at work between lunch, and clients, and such. *sigh* Today was almost the same way. I got a bill done today, and calls and I got some discovery done. This week was not a very good week for work.

SPEAKING OF BOUQUETS - On Sunday, my maid of honor and I are going to go look at flowers to get an idea of what I want in my bouquets and what colors go together. I found out that I like irises. They are a very pretty flower. I like brilliant colors. Brilliant blues are my favorite at the moment. I bounce back and forth from blue and green. Then it's brilliant back to pastels. Kinda like my tastes in music, I go from country and soft rock to rock and some punk. I can never settle on one or the other. -- sorry tangent -- I'm hoping to get an idea of what I am doing -lol.

O.k. peoples, I have to stop typing. I have typed your ear off!! Really, your ear is laying at the front of my keyboard - seriously...have you looked in the mirror lately?? ;-P

ttfn...love ya!! mmuuuaahhh!!!

IT'S SOOOOO LATE!!

2007-04-23T01:47:00.000-05:00

It is late!! I can't sleep.

It could be because John is up playing Warcraft...he can't sleep either. It's my fault...but then you know...it put a smile on his face...so I'm not really complaining.

We have come to the decision that me living in two households needs to stop. So...after school is out for my kids we are going to start making the transition from my moms house to John's house. This is going to be the last move - no more being a gypsy!! yay!!! The milage on my car is going to go down considerably, can you imagine the impact it's going to have on the amount of gas that I use for the week? We will be able to start living like a family - all the time - not just on the weekend.

Us moving will relieve stress on my relationship with my mom too. She calls me an ungratefull shit anyway. This is better all around. No more arguing...no more of my brothers telling her that I am just using her up, and that I need to move.

So...It's now 2:00 in the morning. We need to get to sleep...but he's killing murlocks - AGAIN!! *sigh* Have I mentioned lately that I totally love this game that he is playing? NOT!

There should be a new entry on the wedding page tomorrow...i hope. check it out soon.

love ya lots!!

ttfn

2007-04-12T21:51:00.000-05:00

I HATE THIS TIME OF THE MONTH!!!!

SATURDAY!!

2007-03-31T13:12:00.000-05:00

There is so much to do and not enough time to do it all!!

Have you any idea how much work it is to live between two households? There is laundry here, and laundry there. There are bedrooms to clean here and bedrooms to clean here. I just went outside and saw remenants of my dogs' dinner and what not all over the yard - ewww! There is dishes to do at both households, and floors to vaccuum both upstairs and downstairs here and a floor to vaccuum at the other house. And to top it all off....we have to travel to Corpus Christi tomorrow to pick up Shelby from her mother's house and there isn't enough time in the day tomorrow between Mass and dropping off Allison at her "Big Sister's" apartment to do any of what needs to be done.

Shelby, the dear ray of sunshine she is at times, told her vice principal that she felt like a maid in her house and she has to do everything............................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If only that were true!! I wouldn't have much to do over at that household. And I'm told that I am not suppose to upset at what she tells everybody because she is being coached to tell things like that by her mother. I don't really understand people and the way they use their children as pawns sometimes. I have some issues regarding this custody thing. I love Shelby like she is one of my daughters. I will do anything to keep her with us....but dangit...I'm frustrated!!!

I want to pull my hair out!!! I want not to have to worry about one household for at least a weekend. And everybody keeps asking me what's my hurry regarding getting married - sheesh!!!! Obviously, they aren't seeing the whole picture here - my mom only sees that I have responsiblities here, and John doesn't expect much regarding me and the house - only that if I am going to wash my clothes over there to wash the clothes over there too. But then, if we want to eat on clean plates then the dishes need to be done....and the living room has to be clean because we have Big Sisters coming on the weekends....and then...the kids rooms have to be clean so that my kids aren't blamed for messing up rooms and not cleaning them!!! So there you have it....My life is so chaotic on the weekends that I feel like pulling my hair out at times.

See I thought I wouldn't be able to keep up with 2 blogs becuase I can only concentrate on one thing at a time.

Ok...rants done!! SYL (see ya laters)

The last wedding post on this blog!

2007-03-29T07:04:00.000-05:00

Ok...after all that un-needed angst!!!

We are going to talk to Father Jan today. Before we do, John and I are going to talk to his mom to tell her that we have decided to get married. A step in the right direction, yes??

I have been looking at rings and dresses and stuff like that. I really think that I have to really set a budget for this thing because I will definitely go overboard.

My last wedding was thrown together in 2 weeks - only because we wanted to go to the Justice of the Peace and just get married there. His parents said - you want to do it right - and your sister already has this chapel reserved and we can't get the deposit back so why don't you use this one - since she isn't getting married. I didn't really get to pick flowers or have much of a choice regarding dresses...or that stuff. I had silk flowers instead of fresh and got married in a wedding chapel by a non dominational minister. 5 years down the road my engagement ring busted and we took it in to the jewelry shop to get it fixed and they repossessed the ring. *sigh* I guess I should have took that as a sign.
ANYWAY!! This time I am going to plan this wedding. And it's not going to thrown together in 2 weeks. I have at least a years time to plan. Even small intimate weddings need to be thought out right? Am I going overboard? I just want everything to be nice.

So with that being said... I am over my crisis!! :-) I am going to start to plan this wedding with no more doubts on rushing into this. :-)

This blog is not going to be a blog full of wedding things from now on - promise!! It will be the same complaining and stuff like that!! I am starting a new blog - just for this stuff!! Stay tuned silly rabbits - the big wonderful wedding blog is coming up!!

Wedding Bliss??? NOT!

2007-03-27T07:48:00.000-05:00

NO COMPLAINT TUESDAYS HAVE BEEN PUT ON HIATUS UNTIL MY WEDDING CRISIS HAS BEEN RESOLVED. SORRY!!

Friday was a nerve wracking day!!! It all came out pretty well though. The judge got angry with the otherside. He asked if the whole thing was based on "messy hair and peanut butter sandwiches". *sigh*. Now we have discovery to go through, and our Temporary Orders hearing. This should be fun. We are asking for restricted vistation - with no overnight visits, increased child support, and travel expenses, and the usual attorneys fees. We are hoping that we will be able to settle before it gets out of hand and costs a fortune.

John and I have an appointment on Thursday to speak with a priest regarding his anullment. This is the first step. I am still waiting for the bomb to drop. Is this normal?? There are times when I feel I am going to fast with this and am not allowed to be excited about getting married. The funny thing is ... these feelings have nothing to do with the way John feels. It all has something to do with me. I want to pick up a brides magazine and feel like I should hold off - I mean what's the rush anyway? right? We have a lot of time right? We haven't set a date yet. It's all very open ended. I don't have a ring...which is alright for the moment. But will a ring make it all feel better?

I guess I feel like I have to walk on eggshells because of what happened with Shelby's mom. She got a promise ring, took it as an engagement ring, and planned a wedding - a week before the wedding John called it off - saying that he didn't ask her to marry him. She assumed that they were getting married. I know that this is a totally different situation all together - but - the fear is still there. Fear of what I don't know. This is all pretty scary to me. I have been married once - and I really sucked at being a wife. And now I am going to try again- although this feels right, there are all of these doubts about my ability to be a full time wife and mother of 5.

I want to feel excited about what is going on with my life right now but something in my mind says - "don't". The other shoe is going to drop and you are going to end up hurt and you aren't going to recover from this one.

ANY INSIGHTS??

Anyway, I have to finish getting ready for work.

I KNOW IT'S BEEN FOREVER SINCE I WAS HERE!!

2007-03-20T23:02:00.000-05:00

I haven't been on because there is so much going on with my life at the moment...and then when I do get a chance to get on the computer, I don't want to be on it because I'm on it all day at work.

I have started paralegal courses through the school district. They start tomorrow. Needless to say- I'm getting kinda apprehensive about it because I haven't been to school is so long. It's an internet course - so we will see where it all ends up.

John was served with custody papers on March 10. It was a nice way to start spring break. Unbelieveable. I have been pulled into this because she named me in the her affidavit by stating that John's daughter spends more time with me than her father and isn't able to get a hold of her mom when she needs to talk... The way John and I see it is that she is threatened by my presence in Shelby's life. *sigh* Shelby seems really happy when we are all together. It's more like the family life that we are all craving. A mom, a dad, sisters, brothers, 2 dogs, a cat and a fish. Seems like the perfect family life right??? (chuckle, chuckle- gafaw gafaw) No family life is perfect - but you know I am more happy when I am at John's house than I am at my own house.....

ok..now for some not so surprising news....and you have to keep it a secret!!!! k? John and I have decided to get married. It wasn't a formal proposal and there wasn't a ring - I got a washer (a super cool washer and it's kinda circular he he he) There is a living situation that we have to figure out- and a custody thing to get through which hopefully it's going to get thrown out of court on Friday - but after that - there is a ring to buy and a small wedding ceremony to plan. ANYWAY...before I get really super excited about this and my head floats to the clouds - I am going to stop talking about it. I'm afraid if I don't stop talking about it- I'm going to jinx it and something might go wrong and he'll change his mind and tell me that it was all a mistake. (do i sound paranoid to you?)

ok, ya'll I'm going to journal more in my other journal!! and possibly throw a load of clothes in the washer. I will throw details as the pop up.

Love ya lots!! MMMMUUUAAAHHHH!!!

I'm still alive

2007-03-08T13:27:00.000-06:00

I am here. I just haven't been able to get to my blog.

Starting March 21, 2007, I am taking a class on line. I am not really sure how that is going to affect my blogging but we will see.

Spring break is coming - I'm hoping I will be able to get to my blog then.

Until then...mmmmuuuuaaahhhh!!!

LOVE YA - Tink

Unfaithful

2007-02-07T13:40:00.000-06:00

story of my life
searching for the right
but it keeps avoiding me
sorrow in my soul
cause it seems that wrong
really loves my company

hes more than a man
and this is more than love
the reason that the sky is blue
the clouds are rolling in
because i'm gone again
and to him i just can't be true

and i know that he knows i'm unfaithful
and it kills him inside
to know that i am happy with some other guy
i can see him dying

i don't wanna do this anymore
i don't wanna be the reason why
everytime i walk out the door
i see him die a little more inside
i don't wanna hurt him anymore
i don't wanna take away his life
i don't wanna be...a murderer

i feel it in the air
as i'm doing my hair
preparing for another day
a kiss up on my cheek
he's here reluctantly
as if i'm gonna be out late
i say i won't be long
just hanging with the girls
a lie i didn't have to tell
because we both know
where i'm about to go
and we know it very well

cause i know that he knows i'm unfaithful
and it kills him inside
to know that i am happy with some other guy
i can see him dying

i don't wanna do this anymore
i don't wanna be the reason why
everytime i walk out the door
i see him die a little more inside
i don't wanna hurt him anymore
i don't wanna take away his life
i don't wanna be...a murderer

our love, his trust
i might as well take a gun and put it to his head
get it over with
i don't wanna do this
anymore (anymore)

i don't wanna do this anymore
i don't wanna be the reason why
everytime i walk out the door
i see him die a little more inside
i don't wanna hurt him anymore
i don't wanna take away his life
i don't wanna be...a murderer (a murderer)

no no no no
yeah yeah yeah

Rhianna

Did you ever feel like just listening to sad songs?

This song struck something in me...maybe because of the situation I was involved in last year. I felt a need to post it for some reason. Now that it's out of my system...maybe I can stop singing it.

NO COMPLAINT TUESDAY - POSTED ON WEDNESDAY -SEE BELOW POST

2007-02-07T09:47:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, our Roadrunner Service was on the fritz - So I couldn't have posted a No Complaint Tuesday if I wanted to. So I'm posting on Wednesday for Tuesday.

No Complaint Tuesday (Wednesday)

My mom is alive and even though she drives me completely batty sometimes, I do love her and would be a mess without her.

I talked to my dad last night- he's wondering if I forgot about him. hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Maybe I should go and see him.

I paid my $5,000,000 dollar library fine and am now able to check out books. I want to veer away from Nora Roberts and Dean Koontz. This is the perfect opportunity to. :-)

_____________________________________________________

Ok....Now that NCT is done...I can get back to what's going on.

My mom is suffering from heart disease. Her ateries are blocked and depending how many are blocked is going to determine the course of action to be taken. *sigh* She goes for more testing tomorrow and Friday. The doctor said that she has probably already suffered a few mild heart attacks and has not felt them. This is not a good sign. He told her that she has the most dangerous kind of heart disease...and it's called the silent killer. She could just drop dead of a heart attack and not even know it. Say a prayer for my mom - we are going to need all the prayers we can get.
_____________________________________________________

On another note....If I would have realized that Dabich had done the 6 wierd things about me about a year ago....then I would have passed on it and not done it at all.

I don't remember things like that...I just read and do - I am so sorry - GREEN - for putting you thru it again, but you got thru it by cutting and pasting last years answers. THANK YOU GREEN for making me feel like I have put you thru some kind of torture and basically stupid for tagging you. Believe me - I won't let it happen again.
_____________________________________________________

AND YES THAT WAS COMPLAINING ON A NO COMPLAINT TUESDAY POST...BUT IT'S WEDNESDAY - NOT TUESDAY...AND IT'S MY BLOG AND I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WITH IT.

ok done with the rant.

Love Eternal

2007-02-07T09:33:00.000-06:00

When I saw this article, I thought how sweet.

Can you imagine the love these people have felt for each other when they died? I am honestly touched and moved by this discovery.

Sunday Comic #2

2007-02-04T22:52:00.000-06:00

GARFIELD

Friday Ramblings...don't mind me...I'm just talking to myself!

2007-02-02T10:49:00.000-06:00

Since the last time that I have posted, I am sure that you have noticed that there are a few additions to my blog. Most likely the "Michael Buble" song that plays just as soon as you get to my blog. I know that everybody does not like Michael Buble...so if you must turn the music off to save your sanity - it's at the bottom of the page.

My pet spider, Tutter, is probably weaving his web as you read. Be nice to Tutter. Even though you cannot see it...there is a little tab to click on to realease a fly for him to munch on. Yes I know a little childish...but it seems appropriate for a blog called Tangled Webs...don't you think?

I got my W-2 yesterday. YaY!! I am going to go to Jackson Hewitt and get my taxes done. Today is also payday...woo hoo!! I get to cash my pay check!

John and I have decided to get Seaworld Season Passes for the summer (at least for when the kids are with us) and they are open for spring break...and...they have a halloween thingy at the end of the year. Their 4th of July show is pretty cool .... so I hear. So it sounds like it's worth it. It's a place to go to during the summer...and it will pay for itself after a few visits...tickets to Seaworld are like $50.00.... the season pass is a little over $50...closer to 60...so after 2 visits...they will pay for themselves.

The kids have a 1/2 day today because of Teachers workshop. So I think I get at least another hours worth of piece and quiet. *sigh* Thank God that they are only one Friday a month. :-)

6 Weird Things About Me

2007-02-01T01:18:00.000-06:00

THE RULES: Each player of this game starts with the 6 weird things about you. People who get tagged need to write a blog of their own 6 weird things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says you are tagged in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. I write everything that happens during the day in a planner that I carry everywhere. I also keep a journal but have yet to finish one from cover to cover.

2. I eat peanut butter and banana sandwiches (uh-huh)

3. I secretly love SpongeBob Squarepants.

4. I have to take the 2nd stall in a public restroom all the time unless we are at the movies and there is a long line...it's weird I know...and I have no idea why.

5. I love my cat more than I love my dogs.

6. When I take a shower, I wash first, then shampoo and condition my hair. I can't let body soap touch my conditioned hair or I have to wash and condition it all over again - then I wash my face.

I tag: Green, Dutch, Rain, dabich, scribe - this oughta be interesting, and even though I stole this off of her blog Autumn

Cold Feet and Birthdays

2007-01-31T12:36:00.001-06:00

My feet are cold. It's not that cold outside....but brrrrrrrrrrrrrr! My feet feel like they are sitting on blocks of ice. I hate it when my feet are cold..it makes the rest of my body feel like it's cold.

As you can see, yesterday's post was not long. ALTHOUGH, I posted because I promised myself that I would find something positive every Tuesday! The only thing that I thought was positive yesterday was the fact that I was alive.

I have been so bitchy lately. I have no idea why.

Tomorrow is THURSDAY!! YAY!! It happens to be my last workday for the week.

Friday...John is coming over to my house to fix my computer. yay!!! I deleted my sound driver on accident. OOPS!!! It's so annoying to be on the internet without sound - especially if you want to listen to music.

We have plans to attend a birthday party for John's grandma on Saturday. She's 80. My dilema is....what do you buy an 80 year old woman?? hmmmmmm - I don't really think that Depends and Icy Hot will be an appropriate gift. I was thinking about stuff from Bath and Body Works...one of my all time favorite stores...and a blanket or slippers? I have to do some thinking. I usually torture myself when it comes to buying gifts for this family...I end up second guessing myself all the time and it takes me forever to pick something out....Poor Dutch has had to endure buying a birthday gift for a 2 year old - we spent hours at Toy R Us. By the end of the shopping trip - all he wanted to do is go home.

My mother is home from work for the next 9 weeks. She's having knee surgery after her lab work is finished. I'm so not looking forward to this at all. She is going to drive me up the wall - she already is. aurrrhggghhhhhh!!!!!!

So if you have any ideas on gifts for an 80 year old lady please let me know. Otherwise she's getting strained peas, depends, and icy hot!! j/k

NO COMPLAINT TUESDAY # 4

2007-01-30T09:59:00.000-06:00

I AM ALIVE, BREATHING, AND I CAN WALK AND TALK WITHOUT ANY DIFFICULTIES.

Sunday Comic of the Week #1

2007-01-28T19:56:00.000-06:00

Ya'll need to read the Sunday comic shoe.

I used to love Foxtrot...but Yahoo has cut Foxtrot down to once a week. So I have changed my comic to Shoe. He's kinda funny!!

Yay!! It's Thursday!!

2007-01-25T09:38:00.000-06:00

It's Thursday peoples!! TOMORROW IS FRIDAY...and I am off!!! I look forward to Fridays!!

It's pretty cold in the office today. It always seems that the back office is colder than the front office. You can turn the heater on and the top half of the office will be warm, but the lower part of the office, that includes the floor where my feet are under my desk is freezing!!! I haven't put the heaters on yet, we are suppose to get a heatwave today. The temprature will rise to 60 degrees...woo hoo!! This is pretty ironic considering that a few months ago...September to be exact... we were all wishing that the heat would go away!!

Well the good thing is that the Mr. Sun is out. It's so great to see the sun after 4 days of dreary skies and rain. We are now out of stage one water restrictions...that took a while. Over the past month we have had 4 inches of rain. Yay!! We can go back watering the sidewalks and the streets without having to worry about fines!! (j/k)

We don't have water in the office at the moment. One of the pipes in the front yard busted. That's what happens when you don't cover spigets during a freeze. So...we have had to turn the water on and off from the sidewalk so we can flush the toilet. God forbid if you have to pee really bad. The plumbers are suppose to be here today to fix it - they couldn't yesterday because of the rain...and on Tuesday, the plumber went home sick. *sigh*

I miss John. :-( I know that he lives 25 miles away and I can see him at anytime...but I try not to drive over there as much because of the gas prices...and the amount of money I have on me. The last time I saw him was Sunday - and that was just for dinner...and then we cleaned up dinner - and the kids and I left. He wanted a break that weekend...so did I. I got homesick the 5 days we were over there because of the weather. I think I'm going over there tonight :-).

Visit to Michigan: I have looked into the kids going up to Michigan to visit with their father. I think I have found reasonable fare to the Great Lake State. We are going Greyhound...and leaving the driving to them. I checked into ticket prices four Southwest Airlines - and it will cost $154 (internet price) per one-way ticket and I would have to purchase 3 plus my round-trip ticket. (yikes) When I called Greyhound - one way tickets were $84.00 a piece and my roundtrip would be $168. So if you combine it all together it would be $840. (my cost and his cost) When you split it in half - it's $420. When you consider $850.00 (air fare) compared to $420 (bus fare) - that's a $430 difference. I'm going with the bus!! Everybody cringes when I say bus - I know that 2 days on a bus with 3 children will be no fun - but then ...if they are excited about the trip and seeing their dad after 6 years ... I imagine that it won't be that bad. They are older now...and I don't have to deal with dirty diapers and bottles...I just have to put up with "are we there yet?" and then I will have to go all the way back on the bus...unless I pull money out of my butt to fly home instead of the taking the bus...hmmmm...something to consider. I will keep you posted on progess.

Ok ... I have wasted enough time typing - I need to get back to work.

Love ya!! mmmuuuaaahh!

No Complaints Tuesday #3

2007-01-23T14:11:00.000-06:00

Well lets see...happy thoughts

Ok...well not happy thoughts but positive things -

1. I am boss free - yay!! I can type on my blog freely today

2. My work list is almost finished

3. I was on time for work today

4. I got a load of towels done today

5. I have dinner planned out for tonight

6. My feet are not cold for the first time in 2 days!!

Happy thoughts...

Despite the phone call last night, I still feel like I made the right decision. I love my Goof!!! and I love all my kids!!

Mr. Michigan Strikes Again

2007-01-22T22:46:00.000-06:00

I just got off the phone with my ex-boyfriend. Mr. Michigan called me on the way home from the bar - inebriated. He explained to me that he needed to hear my voice tonight. *sigh* I am not really sure how to feel about that.

Mr. Michigan is at a turning point in his life. Things need to change for him. As he put it he is a ticking time bomb. So - I am not really sure where I fit into all of that. Is he hanging on to a lost cause? "Is her rebound relationship really what she wants?" or is it - "I miss her and want her back...lets mess with her head some more!!"

In all reality - John is a rebound relationship. At first, he was a turning point of a long drawn out relationship that was going basically nowhere. John made me realize that Mr. Michigan was my security blanket. He was right. I clung to Mr. Michigan because I was afraid of everything. But when I re-evaluated my relationship, I saw that I was clinging on to promises - that were turning out to be just that- promises. John made me no promises. He told me that we could have something wonderful but I had to shed my security blanket. So...with a big struggle...I shed my security blanket. And I feel like I made the right decision.

If you think about it...are all relationships rebound though?? With the exception of the first relationship, all relationships are a rebound from former relationships. You carry your fears and hang-ups with you until you are ready to let go of them and proceed with the relationship at hand.

I am slowly letting go of the fact that I am afraid of being lead on. I am slowly letting go of the fear of getting ditched because of stupid little things. I am finally able to really love somebody without looking else where to find comfort when I need it because comfort is 25 minutes away (depending on traffic). I can see that my relationship with John is a solid one. We work together....when we hold hands - my hand fits perfectly into his. He holds my hand - he doesn't just let me hold it...John's hand closes over mine.

Mr. Michigan (MM) asked me if I was 100% happy - honestly. Honestly? I am about 75% happy. I say 75% because there is still a lot of fears and hang-ups that I have to deal with. I do a lot of things out of fear of being dumped because I that I just don't measure up. I feel like I jump through hoops sometimes. It's not because of John - it's because of me and my fears.

I know I should let MM go, for the most part I have.

John and I are pretty happy. We have been happy for quite sometime now. I have to stop dwelling on the future. Although it's hard because my mom is not going to be working forever, and I can't afford to take over the house payment and utilities by myself. I don't want to move again - I don't want to uproot my children again. So the quick solution is to combine incomes. But the idea of all that creates anxiety between us because I push...and he pulls away and becomes distant. I have to go back to school...but where do I fit that in?? Between work and the kids - it seems like a dim possibility. My mom is constantly telling me that she has raised her kids...she's tired. I don't blame her - daycare is out because when do I have funds to pay for daycare...although my kids are getting old enough to start taking care of themselves for a couple of hours...*sigh*... it's all enough to make you pull your hair out.

So it's almost 11:30. 30 minutes till "No Complaint Tuesday #3". I have to find something to be happy about....*double sigh*

O.k. enough of the pity party...I am going to straighten up the kitchen so I can get to bed and think of "Peter Pan Thoughts"

Good Night!!

No Complaint Tuesday #2

2007-01-16T11:27:00.000-06:00

My No-Complaint Tuesday comes easily today!!

We had a winter storm last night which iced everything over. So the kids didn't have school this morning - all 5 of them (my three + John's 2). I didn't have to go to work today. woo hoo!!

We had spaghetti last night. Zack decided to make a new name for parmasean cheese. It is now Farmer John cheese. We were all rolling on the floor - well all of us except John...he refused to see the humor in it. I'm still laughing about it.

Well I guess that's about it. I'm going to venture out of the house and slip and slide to the grocery store. Sounds like fun right??? Tootles!

sigh

2007-01-14T12:27:00.000-06:00

I have been trying to wake John up for the past hour and a half.

I get the responses - I'm waking up...and then I get the snoring about 2 seconds later. It's impossible to get him up. grrrrr! The thing that really gets him up is me jumping on the waterbed...I haven't gotten to that point yet.

W00 HOO - Jared's room is clean and the Girls' room is clean...just don't look in the closet...I haven't gotten that far yet. My laundry is basically done. I have found out that the clothes out number the amount of hangers in the house. I hate folding school clothes. I ususally hang them so they can be found easily in the mornning. If they shove them in the drawers I get.....MOM I DON'T HAVE ANY CLOTHES or I get MOM...I CAN'T FIND MY SPIRIT SHIRT...when it's buried deep in the back of the last drawer that I look in. ANNOYING!!! I also vacuumed the stairs...I hate doing that...and the upstairs hallway...cleaned the living room, and the kitchen...all in a two day span. It's sad to know that all my efforts are going to go down the drain ...because of Martin Luther King Day. The kids will be home on Monday from school...and then on Tuesday because there is this enormous mulch fire that will start to be extinguished today and carry on with the smoke and ash possibly till Wednesday - this is all 3 miles from my house. Pleasant, huh?

Now the next things I have to accomplish are...my room - yikes...and my portion of the computer room. I have to detail clean my bathroom and the kids bathroom...and wash the entire downstair floors.

I have I told you that I'm sick of cleaning????

ok...I am going to start jumping on the waterbed now. ttyl8tr!!

No Complaint Tuesday #1

2007-01-09T14:08:00.000-06:00

I have decided to make Tuesday a no complaint day.

The rules are:

1. There will be no complaints posted on my blog on Tuesday.

2. Yes I am going to post even if I cannot think of a positive thing.

3. Bitching is complaining - so is griping and any word in the Thesauras that pertains to complaining.

4. HAPPY THOUGHTS on Tuesdays...because Wednesday is hump day...thursday is almost Friday -woo hoo- and well Fridays are meant for rambling and stuff. Saturdays and Sundays are usually too busy to complain...and Monday is a day for complaints because it's Monday.

So with that in mind - Here is my NO complaint Tuesday

Today I was on time for work. :-) I even had enough time to put make up on stop to get breakfast. This is the first of hopefully many on time days.

I tried something new with my subway sandwich today. Instead of getting the regular BMT with lettuce tomato cucumbers olives salad peppers with mayo and italian dressing, I got all of that plus a couple of slices of onion and topped it with oil and vinegar and ranch dressing. A little change goes a long way. It was pretty good.

Sunday morning, I found out that my dogs sleep like ying and yang. They sleep together in a complete circle at times - like ying and yang - I shit you not!!! It's pretty cute to see. The next time I find my camera, I will snap a pic.

I am boss free and I can type on my blog. :-) I also have almost all of my work list done. But I do have to get back to my list.

Anybody can do No complaints Tuesday - in fact I invite everybody to participate with me. I haven't quite figured out how to link it all up but...it will come with time. :-)

Tootles!!

Week one of 2007 - gone

2007-01-07T12:17:00.000-06:00

It's been a long week. I wanted to accomplish so much but it never happened.

I really think that I am destined to be a procrastinator all my life.

As much as I tried to start the new year without an ounce of laundry, I failed miserably. Then there was the new year's resolution...which was do at least a load of laundry everyday. Because I did laundry all New Year's weekend... I didn't have much to do and couldnt really make a big load...I guess little loads would have worked, but it seemed to be a waste of time, water, and eletricity. I imagine if I were to put my mind to it, I would find loads of laundry to do.

I have managed to stop smoking again. After Alex died, I started back up. My daughters were pretty upset with me. So I promised Allison that I would stop in January 1 - even if I wasn't done with the pack.

BTW - I have decided that using the first letter of my kids names is pretty silly. I'm using first names - and Goof has a name too. :-)

I am getting frustrated with my relationship again. Last night, John blew up at me because I suggested he took a break from the lovely "World of Warcraft" and go to Wal-mart with me. He was getting frustrated to begin with because he wasn't really getting too far with his character last night - I guess I said the wrong thing at the wrong time. I know that I should be pretty used to this by now, but I'm o.k. with it for a while then I get upset because he would rather play that stupid game then spend anytime with anybody. I get date night every once in a while, and we do go out - but - damn I'm pretty sure that if given a choice, I would be in the background serving him dinner, taking care of the kids (his and mine), cleaning the house, and making sure everything runs smoothly while he plays his game... He helped with taking the tree down last night, then he retreated to his room and surfed the internet the rest of it. I got about 45 minutes of "John" time. After I got the living room put back together, I took a shower and he went to be and was practically asleep before I even crawled into bed. Grrrrrrr!!!!

So I guess another resolution is to not clean his house or do his laundry anymore, and when it gets unbearable stop coming over. I have too much stuff to deal with at my own house. I really think if it keeps up like this, we won't last too much longer. It's going to come down to an ultimatum -and I'm afraid that the computer is going to win.

Anyways - on a more happier note, the new dogs are doing great. Buddy and Prissy are starting to adapt well to thier new enviroment. Buddy didn't have any hair underneath. John seemed to think it was because he was laying on a cement floor all time and it rubbed off. Buddy was bred to breed with Prissy - he wasn't really loved or taken care of properly. Buddy has now fur growing back on his lower chest and stomach areas. The hair underneath his collar hasn't started yet - but I guess that will take time. I have discovered that they like mixed vegetables and Prissy was a goat in another life...because she will eat everything. She even likes bananas. :-)

So I guess I should be going. I have a John to wake up...and kids to feed. Oh yay!!

Tinkie's christmas present

2006-12-28T00:13:00.000-06:00

I got a Christmas present!! A great Christmas present!!!

The Tuesday after Alex died, I went to the Humane Society to seek out a new puppy for the family. My heart ached - and the kids were so melancholy - I figured that I would try to fill that empty space with a new space. I found this cute little dachshund puppy that was white with black and brown spots. It took me 2 hours to find the stupid place, and then when I got there, the manager took the puppy home, and wasn't working that day. "Come back tomorrow," they said. (I was pretty upset) So mad, and having the headache to end all headaches, I went home feeling defeated. As I was turning off the highway to go home, there was a lady sitting on the side of the road, with a kennel. I told myself, you have to stop and at least look. When I went up to the kennel, I saw 2 dachshunds (adults, mind you) - looking so happy to see me. One almost looked like Alex and the other was a lighter female version with more fur. The lady said that they have already been spayed and neutered, had all their shots, and needed a good home before they went to the pound. I was almost in tears. Here I was looking for a puppy to fill the empty void left by a careless driver and then came Prissy and Buddy. I didn't think twice before I told her that I wanted them both. She was selling them for $25.00 each and they were purebread dachshunds (whether they are or not, I don't really care - they needed a good home.) She said that she couldn't keep them because she was moving into an apartment and she already had 2 other dogs.

Now I have 2 dogs rather than just 1 puppy - and they are a handful - especially with the cat. But you know...it's twice the love - and there is so much love coming from these dogs and they love to be loved on. My family can talk about Alex without crying anymore. We talk about him like he was one of the family - and we remember him in our hearts with laughter - because he was a characther.

NEXT SUBJECT: I haven't been on much lately. So I have much to talk about.

My mom's side of the family has a Christmas Gathering before the Holiday. This is the one time of the year that we all get to see each other and see how much the kids have grown. This year was a little different. My kids got cash instead of presents this year - it was a little hard to explain to a 9 year old why he didn't get as many presents - and got cash instead. In the end, I think he got the picture. Friday we are on our way to getting more presents!! :-)

My family had Christmas at my younger brother, Chris' house. He's the brother between me and Dutch. My mom had to work Christmas Eve and was pretty much not coherent for most of Christmas day...She didn't think that we were having Christmas at my house so she didn't buy anything for Christmas dinner. So my family gathered at Chris' house - and I went to spend Christmas with Goof's family!! (see paragraph below)

We spent Christmas Eve with his parents and Christmas Day with his aunt and uncle. It was nice to be included this year. Last year I wasn't included in anything for the holidays - but then we were just getting started. Goof got me the bathrobe that I asked for. He asked for a hippopatamus....I told him be careful what you wish for because I will get him what he wants...he didn't believe me!! So....I went to the San Antonio Zoo Gift Shop and looked for a hippopatamus...believe it or not...even thought Wal-Mart carries everything...they do not stock hippopatumuses - and found a hippo. So Goof got a hippopatamus for Christmas. For those of you chuckling to yourselves and shaking your head - DID YOU EXPECT ANYTHING DIFFERENT FROM ME??? He loved it.

"A" is sick. She has a sinus infection and a upper-respiratory infection...that could be considered bronchitus (is that spelled right??) It started on Christmas Eve. After her fever kept spiking up and down for 3 days, I finally decided that I needed to take her in to see the doctor. You would not believe how many sick babies there are in the city of San Antonio it seemed everybody was at the fast-track clinic - then it took at least an hour to get Rxs...then the boss gets mad at me for taking another day off because my child is sick and needs mom to take care of her. Honestly... I can't understand why people who don't have children of their own can say "can't your mom or some family member take care of them for a while?? I have my own things to get done." She infuriates me so much!! It's time for a new job!!

Anyway - despite the tragic happenings at the beginning of the holiday - this has turned out to be a great holiday. I hope that "A" gets better soon, school starts back on the 3rd of January...YAY!!! It would be a "not so good" start of the year having a child sick.

Have a safe and Happy New Year everyone!! Love Ya!!

It's almost 1 a.m...

2006-12-19T00:35:00.000-06:00

It's 12:35 a.m. and I don't want to go to sleep. I don't want to go to my bed and wait for my dog to run up the stairs and find it's way under my blanket and snuggle up with me.

I don't want to do that because ... it's never going to happen ever again.

Alex was hit by a truck on Friday. He died in my arms -- shivering and scared.

I feel like I lost a family member...a child.

I never thought that I would have become so attached to a dog in my life. This is the dog who chewed EVERYTHING- including my glasses. This dog drove me insane at times...and with everything the chewed, and trash bags he got into...he wormed his way into my heart. His whole body used to wag when I came home - not just his tail. He was always so happy to see me, happier than my own kids at times. I would be on the couch, leaning on the arm, and Alex would nuzzle up climb on my back and make himself comfortable in that little crevice between my back and the back of the couch where it was warm.

I want my dog back. I miss him so much. There are times when I think that I am ok...and that I'm getting over the fact that he is gone...but then I do things and turn around and expect to see him there with those big brown eyes wanting to know what I was up to or if I was going to share what ever I had - and then see that he's not there - and the empty feeling comes back, and the tears start and I'm crying again.

Why do bad things happen during the holidays? How does one recover from seeing your dog being hit by a truck? How does one forgive the world for being so self absorbed in itself and not stopping when they hit an animal to apologize to the owner?

ANYWAY!! BEING that it is 5 days till Christmas - I am going to stop ruining everybody holiday and happy feelings with my bad ones. If I do not post for a while, you all know why. I'll be back when the world starts turning again.

Friday Ramblings

2006-12-08T09:12:00.000-06:00

I am off on Fridays. I love my Fridays!!

I have one child at home - talking at the TV - actually to a show called Crashbox - it's an HBO kids show. I think she was talking to the TV long before this show ever came about....THANKS to that wonderful blue dog - soccer moms know what I'm talking about.

So I am planning on a manicure today - because I need one - it's been a month. Now before you all think that I am one of those women who has the fake nails that have to be done in order for you hands to look normal - I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE WOMEN. I take pride in the fact that I have over come my nasty habit of chewing my nails...and almost over come the cuticle thing. My nails are acutally pretty nowadays- and they are my nails.

My smoking habit I think is a thing of the past. I lit up for a month straight - but took no real pleasure in it. It was something to do while talking on the phone. NOW if I could only get Goof to give up his tabacco habit.

Goof and I are doing lunch. There is this chinese buffet that is awesome around where he works. I like having lunch with him - it makes me feel like we are this real couple that cares about each other...wait a minute...we are...silly me.

The lag on my computer is driving me insane. I'm about to throw the 'puter out the window!!! So before I get even more frustrated at the thing I guess I should go!!!

See ya Monday....have a great weekend!

2006-12-07T07:06:00.000-06:00

The post below was a result of my brother, Dutch's last post.

In Texas, we have street vendors selling stuff from time to time. I actually saw this rug hanging amongst others waiting to be sold. Goof and I laughed our arses off when we saw it...and it's a standing joke between us now. It's actually scary that he can get himself into character so easily. hmmmmmmm.

I have about 10 minutes to go before I have to hop in the shower and get ready for work. It is getting harder and harder to get myself going nowadays. I am really starting to hate my job again. There are some days where I wish I could just go back to the mindless job of running things across a scanner. Actually when I worked for Kroger, I really did like my job. I saw different people every day. I got to talk to different people every day. I didn't sit on my arse in front of a computer every day. My current job gets mundane. And there is nothing new about it. So I'm seriously considering a career change and going back to school - but for what I have no idea.

Anyway...time to hit the shower!! Later Gators!!

Woo Hoo - The Perfect House Warming Gift!!!

2006-12-06T20:16:00.000-06:00

Introducing the one and only mud flap rug. Comes complete with your own trailer, lawn chairs, a bug zapper, a can of chew, a flannel shirt, a wool hunting cap, and hiking boots, and 6 pack of malt liquor.

It would look lovely right smack in the middle of your living room of you 3 bedroom trailer, or maybe in the bed of you pickemup truck.

Yes, you too can be the epitomy of hillbillines!!!

For a meer price of only $59.99 you too can can be the proud owner of this beautiful piece of decor. Just call 1-800-ima-hick.

Singing

2006-11-30T09:56:00.000-06:00

Have you ever felt like just singing? You have that one song in your head - and you want to sing it all of the time because it makes you feel good - and you drive everybody around you to the brink of insanity!!!

I have - which is why there are so many lyrics in my blog. Sometimes it's not enough to hear the song - you have to know the words too so you can sing it without feeling like an idiot because they keep changing the words on you - ALL THE TIME. hehehehe.

The last song that I posted, "Unwritten" (see post below), I hadn't heard of the song until I went to an end of the year choir concert performed by "V's" middle school choir. They were doing "80's" music and with some individual kareoke without the words flashing on the screen inbetween the choir performances. Let me tell you, some of the songs were totally ruined by these whippersnappers, but some of these kids were amazing. The little girl who sang "Unwritten" was amazing - and it's the type of song that get stuck in your head. I always turn up the radio when the song comes on now. I've seen the video to this song and it's a good video. You should check it out - the link the Natasha Bedingfield's website is attached to the bottom of the lyric post. I have found a new artist that I like....and more music to drive everybody insane.

I really think that if I were encouraged when I was younger to use my voice more often, or went to voice lessons - instead of the polish dancing, I would have been more likely to go after that long standing dream. But instead...*sigh*, my older brother and I were put through the torture of doing polkas and dancing to "The Good Ship Lollipop". Can you imagine a mexican dressed in polish attire and dancing a polka?? hmmmmm. So now that I have Scribe rolling on the floor laughing at that image - I'm going to get back to work.

Laters!!

Unwritten

2006-11-29T21:36:00.000-06:00

I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your innovations
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

I break tradition, sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes, but I can't live that way

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inner visions

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

CD - Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)

2006-11-28T16:00:00.000-06:00

Another turning point
A fork stuck in the road
Time grabs you by the wrist
Directs you where to go
So make the best of this test
And don’t ask why
It’s not a question
But a lesson learned in time.

It’s something unpredictable
And in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

So take the photographs
And still frames in your mind
hang it on a shelf
In good health and good time
Tattoo some memories
On dead skin on trial
For what it’s worth
It was worth all the while.

It’s something unpredictable
And in the end is right
I hope you had the time of your life

Green Day

Poor Kitty!!!

2006-11-24T23:07:00.000-06:00

There are some people that think that cats are the root of all evil. I just shake my head and say that cats are smarter than dogs -- which is probably why they are not liked.

Check out this kitty !

The Day After Thanksgiving

2006-11-24T16:55:00.000-06:00

If I were to follow the tradition of the day, I should be out there blowing my paycheck.

I didn't do that though.

My youngest and I went to lunch with Goof. Then we went to fix my fiasco haircut I got about a month ago. So we went to Fantasic Sams and my stylist put layers back in my hair and then "A" suggested that I color my hair again. (I guess it's time to color your hair when your baby says I want you to look like my mommy again.) Feeling all of the 36 years that I am, I decided that I needed that boost and colored my hair. :-) I feel much better about my hair now. And I don't look like I'm about 45 anymore. Fantastic Sam's is about $60 richer now but I think it's worth it. Some other people might think it's not.

It's very rare that I take pictures of me. I hate my nose and my eyebrows are like 2 catapillers above my eyes. I rarely wear makeup because I don't have time to put it on in the morning because I would rather sleep than worry about what my face looks like. If my clothes match and I don't look like something that crawled out of the black swamp then I'm happy. Anyway...this is me...a not so nice picture of me...but me just the same. I wish I could say that I'm photogenic....if you ask my oldest creaton, I'm not.

Ok...I have to go and pay attention to my children now. See ya!!

Oh yeah...btw...how did everybody's Thanksgiving go???

Belated Birthday Weekend

2006-11-22T10:43:00.000-06:00

Goof and I went to dinner and a movie on Saturday. I love date nights!! I think Goof rather enjoys them too. :-)

We went to the Firehut Bar and Grill, which is a mongolian stir fry. I have my combination down now. I can throw in just about anything with 3 spoons of teriayki sauce and a spoon of the Original Firehut sauce and it's awesome. I have discovered iced tea cools the burn from the peppers down very nicely. :-)

After dinner we went to see the new James Bond prequel, "Casino Royale". Being just a dabbler James Bond fan, I was really peaved that they fired Pierce Brosnan and brought in blondie Daniel Craig. I didn't really think that anybody could be as suave as Pierce Brosnan, except maybe Roger Moore. (I'm a big fan of Pierce Brosnan. It goes back to Remmington Steele) But you know, I really don't think that Pierce Brosnan could have handled the action. The first scene of this movie was awesome. If you like James Bond, then you will like this movie. Goof enjoyed it - it was the first movie that we have seen in a while that he didn't consider a chick flick - although it was almost ruined toward the end.

BRRRR, it's cold in here

2006-11-16T10:42:00.000-06:00

It's cold.

I know that meaning of the word cold for most people is 20 degrees below zero. I used to consider 57 degrees warm...but nowadays, I start to shiver when the temprature is below 75. Damn Texas heat makes you think that anything below 80 is chilly.

It's 57 degrees in the office at the moment because I don't have the heater on and it is very hard to get my fingers to work correctly. The ring on my right hand is loose and is all over my finger because the muscles in my hands are contracting because they're cold. Now you are probably thinking ...Tinkie, you silly, why don't you put the heater on? Well the stupid reason is because I'm from the North and refuse to admit that I have become a wuss when it comes to cold temperatures. The logical reason is because the heater is also the air conditioner (it's one of those combo things) and I don't want to stir up the dirt that is in the heating coils, or rev-start my allergies by blowing pollen myself because I sit in the direction of the air flow. I am pretty sure that it's warmer outside than it is in this office. It's too bad that I can't pick up my computer and take it outside where it's warmer.

Tuesday was my birthday. My oldest was the first to wish me a happy birthday when she came downstairs from getting ready for school. She gave me a pen with an eyeball that blinks on the top (leftover from Halloween). I have it in my pen cup right now keeping a watchful eye on everybody. My boss gave me a pair of earrings and the other lawyer in the office bought this awesome cake for me. :-) I got home...and before I even got out of the car, "A", the little whippersnapper she is, screamed the birthday tune "Happy Birthday to you, you're a hundred and two, you look like a monkey, and you smell like one too." ISN'T SHE SO SWEET?? *sigh* Goof called to wish me a happy birthday - which was a big improvement from last year, because last year he didn't even wish me a happy birthday. He said we will do something over the weekend... the big disappointment was... DUTCH... out of all the brothers not to call to wish a happy birthday. ANYWAY, despite being forgetten about, my birthday was a good day. :-)

I'm going to break down and turn the heater on. Chat at ya laters...'ciao!

Things that make you go HMMMMM and A Couple of Eye Rolling Subjects!!!

2006-11-08T11:03:00.000-06:00

Has anybody ever wondered why the fat guy on "Lost" does not seem to be getting thinner??? Aren't they supposed to be on an island with no fast food resturaunts and they food that they do eat was supposed to be rationed out? Considering that they have to walk every place they go and walking is such good exercise...WHY is Ican'trememberhisnameatthemoment still looking like the Pilsbury Doughboy????

Check it out ... he's guest hosting The 9 on Yahoo.

This article is interesting. This dad will go to all lengths to get out of child support obligations. Deadbeat dads irritate the shit out of me. Although I would rather not get into this subject with very much detail, those of you who know me, know the reason why I feel this strongly.

In my younger years, I loved Michael Jackson. I still sing along to his earlier stuff. I was actually considering repurchasing "Thriller". But then my oldest rolled her eyes at me, and was in disbelief when I was singing along with an old Michael Jackson song, it kind made me feel really old and the thought was dropped. With everything that went on last year, I am surprised that he would actually think that anybody would go to a show with him in it. Would you?

I really couldn't stand Britney Spears. Maybe because my daughter, when she was younger, loved the bubblegum pop princess and couldn't get enough of her. I really thought that because she had such a large group of young followers, she would do the responsible thing and not go for the hey, I'm coming into womanhood and need to express her sexual intrests phase....NOT. Well, now she's going thru a divorce. All I can say now is....Good for you Britney. Federline is a disease - and not deserving of what he had.

Faith Hill has made into the Tink's list of unbelieveable people. Her reaction to not winning Female Vocalist of the Year at the CMA's was genuine. This whole "it was a joke" cover-up is the joke itself. Don't get me wrong, Faith Hill is one of my favorite artists, along with her ever so gorgeous husband, Tim McGraw, but come on...she was caught being a bad sport - and now instead of apologizing to Carrie Underwood for her behavior, she is saying it was a joke??? GIVE ME A BREAK!!!

One more thing...what ever happened to this person??

Dream On

2006-11-07T12:16:00.000-06:00

Every time that I look in the mirror
all these lines on my face getting clearer
the past is gone
it went by like dusk to dawn
isn't that the way everybody's got their dues in life to pay

Yeah, I know nobody knows
where it comes and where it goes
I know it's everybody's sin
you got to lose to know how to win

Half my life's in books' written pages
live and learn from fools and from sages
you know it's true all the things come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the years
sing for the laughter and sing for the tears
sing with me, if it's just for today
maybe tomorrow the good Lord will take you away

Dream on, dream on, dream on,
dream yourself a dream come true
dream on, dream on, dream on,
and dream until your dream comes true
dream on

Aerosmith
from the album Aerosmith (1973)

Bugs, Bugs...and Scorpions - OUCH!!!

2006-11-06T18:47:00.000-06:00

This ugly little thing is called a scorpion. They are mean, and when they sting, it hurts like a *&tch!!!

"A", the youngest, found a Starburst on the grass, and one of these decided that the Starburst was his and stung her because she picked it up. Thank the Lord that it wasn't poisonous. I would have freaked....as would my mom. I am relieved to find that "A" isn't allergic to scorpions too.

I myself, have never been stung by a scorpion, but I have heard that they hurt.
YUCKY LITTLE NASTIES...RIGHT??

Scorpions are common here in Southwest Texas. They like cool wet places to sit, they are usually found in damp places. It rained last night, and it was warm, and the candy was sweet and was probably looking for ants, or eating the candy itself.

I guess that bugs coming out of the woodwork is normal for this time of the year because it isn't so hot or they sense that it's cooler and need to move on to warmer climates for a few weeks while we in Texas freeze. Dutch found a bug in his apartment(blech)...but I really think that it's something that nightmares are made of.

Bugs are always in abundance here in Texas...ya'll in Michigan think you have skeeters??? Our skeeters may not be all that big...but they are furious, and will suck all the blood out of you if you let them. I can't stand june bugs. They give me the heebeejeebees just thinking about them. Roaches come a close second...then grasshoppers...which I think that was what Dutch had in his apartment (or a very large locust). Whatever it was...any kind of bug that has legs the size of drumsticks in my house deserves a large can of RAID!!!!

All in all, I really think that "A" has learned her lesson regarding leaving candy on the lawn and then picking it up after it rains!!! Or learn to move things with a stick first. I think the latter would be better.

Halloween 2006

2006-10-31T23:33:00.000-06:00

Here are all 3..."V" refused to take a picture by herself...I guess when you turn 12 it makes you camera shy???

The lady with "V" is Maureen her "big sister"

2006-10-31T23:27:00.000-06:00

J's Costume was a play on words...can you guess what it is??

Here is my little Cinderella...next year she told me that she wanted to be "a dead bride" because she's tired of being pretty or cute.

Tomorrow is Halloween

2006-10-30T22:19:00.000-06:00

We are almost to my favorite holiday of the year!! I so love Halloween!! :)

"A" is dressing up as Cinderella - there are a couple of pictures of her on flickr - the link is on the side named "PHOTOS".

"V" is dressing up as Cleopatra.

I don't have an idea for "J" yet but it will come to me as the day progresses. He has a couple of coustumes...I will throw something together.

Grandma made the girls' costumes, and said that Jared has costumes that he can wear again this year from last year...how messed up is that??

ANYWAY! We will get something together.

I'll take pictures and post them. :-)

Yahoo Timecapsule...

2006-10-29T14:28:00.000-06:00

I decided to become part of history. I put a picture of my dad and his grandkids in the Yahoo time capsule. This is a neat little project. Try it out!!

http://timecapsule.yahoo.com/capsule.php?i=125852&t=love&l=en

I Feel Yucky!!!

2006-10-26T11:56:00.000-05:00

My head feels like it weighs 5 million pounds and feels like it is filled full of water. I move my head it all the liquid moves to the side it’s leaning toward. This morning, because I sleep on my left side, I couldn’t breath through my left nostril. My sinuses are screaming at me, and my mucus receptacle is running (that would be my nose). I really do not want to be at work today. I have taken an antihistamine, a sinus decongestant, and I’m thinking about taking a couple of aspirin to deal with the pounding in my head.

I DON’T FEEL WELL AT ALL…I WANNA GO HOME!!!! :-(

Baby You Save Me

2006-10-24T14:15:00.000-05:00

Every now and then I get a little lost
The strings all get tangled
Our wires all get crossed.
And every now and then
I'm right upon the edge
Danglein' my toes
Out over the ledge
I just thank God you're here.

'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
'Cause when I'm a firecracker commin' undone
And when I'm a fugitive ready to run
All wide eyed and crazy
No matter where my wreckless soul takes me
Baby, you save me.

It's hard lovin' a man that's got a gypsy soul
I don't know how you do it
I'm not sure how you know
The perfect thing to say
To save me from myself
You're the angel that believes in me
Like nobody else
And I thank God you do.

'Cause when I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
When I'm a firecracker commin' undone
And when I'm a fugitive ready to run
All wide eyed and crazy
No matter where my wreckless soul takes me
Baby, you save me.

Well, I know I don't tell you nearly enough
That I couldn't live one day without your love.

When I'm a ship tossed around on the waves
Up on a highwire that's ready to break
When I've had just about all I can take
Baby you, Baby you save me.

When I'm a bullet shot out of a gun
When I'm a firecracker commin undone
And when I'm a fugitive ready to run
All wide eyed and crazy
No matter where my wreckless soul takes me
Baby, you save me...

Kenny Chesney
Baby You Save- from the album
The Road and the Radio

I So Love Foxtrot!!!

2006-10-23T10:30:00.000-05:00

When I saw this comic strip - I automatically thought of my Goof!!!

Check out Foxtrot !!!

This weekend was pretty nice. Goof did help with the housework and spent time with me and stuff. Although during Sunday breakfast, I put restrictions on TV and game playing until housework was finished. The kids and Goof didn't like it too much, but it motivated them into doing stuff. :-D

I made dinner on Sunday, and he got to play Warcraft while I was making dinner, and after dinner he helped with the dishes. :-) So - I'm thinking after all my complaining and such, I think that I got thru, maybe? hmmm, we'll see.

On Books, Authors, My Brother, A Big Sister and Reading and Such....

2006-10-21T01:02:00.000-05:00

It's almost 1 a.m. and I'm still up...because I basically slept all day long and I'm not really tired anymore.

I just finished this book called "Winter Moon" by Dean Koontz. This book got a little scary at some times. I was reading it while I was in bed, waiting to go to sleep, and as I was reading I was actually shutting my eyes because my imagination got away from me - then my mom came to my doorway...without me noticing and I swear I jumped 5 feet. Did I go to sleep right away after that?? NO!!!! I guess that will teach me to read a book like that before I go to bed. Dutch really hates Dean Koontz...I guess I can see why - he has some books that are real stinkers. But for the most part, he is pretty entertaining.

My daughter's mentor thru Big Brothers Big Sisters took "V" to a used book sale at one of the San Antonio Libraries. She got a bag of Nora Roberts novels for me for a buck...now how cool is that???? Maureen is a wonderful individual!!! I also got 2 Dean Koontz books and a Mary Higgins Clark novel.

I wish that I could say that my reading is meaningful and it is filled with stuff that would make a difference in my world - but alas - it keeps me entertained. :-) So I'm off to bed now. I haven't decided what I'm going to start reading now. I just figured out that I have a J.D. Robb novel floating around somewhere that I started when my father was in the hospital - maybe I should look for that one...hmmmm!!!

Anybody remember - GREEN ACRES??

2006-10-19T11:32:00.000-05:00

Green Acres is the place to be!!!
Farm living is the life for me!
Land spreading out so far and wide -
Keep Manhattan, just give me that country side!!

NO! New York is where I'd rather stay!
I get allergic smelling hay
I just adore a penthouse view
Darling, I love but give me Park Avenue!!

The chores
The Stores
Fresh Air
Time Square!

You are my wife!!!
Goodbye, city life...GREEN ACRES WE ARE THERE!!

My 2 Minute Conversation with Goof

2006-10-17T12:14:00.000-05:00

Have you ever noticed that men suck at phone conversation...unless of course you are ..... my ex husband who can be worse than a woman when it comes to talking and of course Mr. Michigan - only because I turned him into a phone person because all we had was the phone.

YESTERDAY - I went the entire day without talking to Goof!! Not having a cell phone is killing me I swear!!! I get home and call him just to say hi!! OK - its 6:15 and he's eating dinner. He could have said...hey can you call me back or can I call you back cuz I'm in the middle of eating dinner. No he goes on with the conversation - He isn't very talkative and sounds very not interested in talking with me. I ask if I'm bothering him and he said yes and I asked if he wanted me to leave him alone he said yes. So I said fine, I'll leave you alone. He throws in he loves me like saying that will make it all better - I didn't even say it back, I said bye and hung up the phone. The smart person would have called back later, but not my boyfriend. I haven't heard from Goof since yesterday. NOW should I be upset??? Would you be upset? I haven't decided if I'm really mad right now. I know that I'm not calling - if he wants to talk to me, I figure that he will call.

AND SO IT BEGINS - WAITING - DAY #1
_________________________________________________

UPDATE: Goof called about 9:00 tonight. He told me...I haven't heard from you all day. I told him that I figured when he was ready to talk to me...he would call. I asked him if he was ready to talk to me - :-D I know I'm such a smart ass. SO ALL IS RIGHT IN THE WORLD OF TINK FOR THE NIGHT!! MAYBE I SHOULD CALL MY BLOG...AS TINK'S WORLD TURNS!!! HMMMMM!! HAS A NICE RING TO IT DON'T YOU THINK??

My Monday!!

2006-10-16T16:43:00.000-05:00

I have according the law office official clock that is 6 minutes slower than real time...22 minutes to go!!!

According the official law office clock that is 6 minutes slower than real time I was late for work again...only because I took some Tylenol PM last night because I couldn't fall asleep right away and I was groggy the next morning...I really don't know where my day went to, I was working on something and all of a sudden I looked up and it was almost noon...according the lofficial law office clock that is 6 minutes slower than real time....then...I went to the bank...and I chose just the right line to get into because it took forever to make a deposit....then after that...I went to lunch...and the Bill Miller Bar-B-Q line was horribly long, and there were no parking places...after I ordered my brisket po'boy sandwich and fries (and their fries are to die for) and a refill on my handy dandy Bill Miller Texas Tea Bucket (which is really the reason why I eat there and a symbol that I really should get a life) and a slice of pumpkin pie because tis the season, I came back to the office ate my sandwich, sat back at the computer and typed a letter while I ate my fries and pumpkin pie...I actually finished my work list...except a bill that I am suppose to be working on now ...but there are only 5 more entries to go and I'm finished and it can be done in the morning...now i have to make sure that i feed the dogs...close up the office...and get home (but not before I go back to Bill Millers' so I can fill up my Texas Tea Bucket with ice tea for $.50) and do homework with my kids...do a load and a half laundry (I tend to soak underwear and socks because oxyclean is the most awesome stuff and gets all the grimeys out) because my kids are out of socks...and my daugther "A" claims she is out of underwear...although I know she has enough underwear to last until the end of time or at least 2 weeks worth...make dinner...get showers going...check my email for the umtheenth time today...then I will try to crawl into bed and go to sleep to do it all again tomorrow. AREN'T YOU JEALOUS???

How Bizzare!!!

2006-10-14T10:42:00.000-05:00

Wedding dress

The Apache Report

2006-10-13T02:49:00.000-05:00

I have been on the computer all day long. When I was introduced the internet way back in '95, I didn't really think that I would say that I'm so sick of being on the computer. Not only did I spend the entire day on the computer at work, I have been on the computer surfing the internet on Apache Indians . That link is one of many sites that I have been tonight. I have so much information running through my head, it's spinning. I have to get enough information for a report for a 4th grader - which would be "J" who is pictured here!!

When you are a mom and have elementary school kids, you have this obligations to help out with your children's projects...and have to do them at the last minute because they are due the next day. :- because you love your children and want them to have the bestest project in the class. I really think that the teachers do this to see how smart the parents are. hmmmm.

My eyes hurt because I have been staring at a computer screen all day long. I almost have the report finished. I have researched the Apache Nation, I have analyzed the Apache Nation, I have learned about the different bands (there are no tribes in the Apache Nation) of the Apache, especially the Mescalero Apache. I'm about to go and kill me a buffalo and go on a raid!!! ha ha ha.

Anyway, I have to finish this report. I will blog more laters - maybe this afternoon, I plan to be asleep till around noon.

Leave the Pieces - The Wreckers

2006-10-09T11:52:00.000-05:00

you're not sure that you love me
but you're not sure enough to let me go
baby it ain't fair you know
to just keep me hangin' 'round
you say you don't wanna hurt me
don't want to see my tears
so why are you still standing here
just watching me drown

(chorus)

and it's alright, yeah i'll be fine
don't worry 'bout this heart of mine
just take your love and hit the road
there's nothing you can do or say
you're gonna break my heart anyway
so just leave the pieces when you go

you can drag out the heartache
baby you can make it quick
really get it over with and just let me move on
don't concern yourself
with this mess you've left for me
i can clean it up, you see
just as long as you're gone

(chorus)

you not making up your mind
is killing me and wasting time
i need so much more than that
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

(chorus)

leave the pieces when you go
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
leave the pieces when you go

The Wreckers
Stand Still Look Pretty

World Trade Center Update

2006-10-06T14:12:00.000-05:00

I came across this as I was surfing illegally at work.

World Trade Center Update

In the midst of ignoring the developing new of the WTC as it went along 5 years ago, I missed that they found this. As I read the article I came to understand that they are moving the cross to a church and building a museum and offices at that site??? I thought that they were going to keep it a memorial...I'M CONFUSED!!

Yahoo - the 9

2006-10-04T13:41:00.000-05:00

This website is a great! This little site tells you about different websites that you can visit. Of course being from Yahoo they want you feed back and stuff ...but you know...when you have a half hour or so to kill, you should check it out!!!

if the link doesn't work try http://the9yahoo.com/

Stupidity at it's best!!!

2006-10-03T17:59:00.000-05:00

Read this!!!!

I have the stupidest dog ever!!!!!

2006-10-03T03:01:00.000-05:00

I crawled in bed and felt something that was rather odd...it was metal and plastic...and it felt like.....OMG - ALEX!!! HOW COULD YOU!!! My glasses!!!

I am sorry to say that my glasses are no longer a part of who I am anymore!!! They have been added to the collection of things chewed up by my cute, adorable, irritating, no good, ***Bleep*** dog.

AND I WAS ACTUALLY TIRED WHEN I CRAWLED INTO BED...the sweet calling of sleep was so strong!!! NOT ANYMORE!!!

I would actually take a picture of what my poor glasses look like... but at the moment...I can't find the camera!

So now I'm sitting here at 2:52 in the morning...and the alarm clock is going to ring in 3 hours and I'm so mad that I can't even make myself sleep...or even type correctly!!! It's taken me a half hour to type this because I have to keep hitting the backspace button and deleting typos!!

I still love my dog...but dammit....WHY!!!!! why my glasses...out of all the things on the night stand to chew on...my glasses were not the best choice...DUMB DOG!!!

E-Coli Claims It's Next Victim

2006-09-29T12:05:00.000-05:00

ROTFLAMO

2006-09-28T13:56:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, September 27, 2006

Have you ever listened to a certain kind of music to suit you mood???

The radio in my car has been stuck on a country station for almost a week now. I do surf around when the music stops and I totally can’t stand what is being played, but it ending up back on KJ97 or Y100.

I have been in a funk these last couple of days. Probably because of my financial situation – which always seems to be in a situation. I can never make my money work to the point where my checking account is not in the negative. I don’t get sick leave, or paid holidays, or personal days. It’s like it should be. If I want to get paid, I have to show up for work – but on days where I’m sick, or the kids are sick, I can’t see coming in and making everybody else around me pissed off because I can’t concentrate because one of the kids are home and calling me constantly or I’m worried or miserable because I’m sick. The one thing that pisses me off is that she closes the office on holidays, like Labor Day or Memorial Day, Martin Luther King Day, and I’m willing to work on those holidays – and I don’t get paid for it. Maybe I’m thinking it’s because I was in a union and got spoiled??? ANYWAY – my financial situation is hurting because of the time off I have had and my poor sense of financial responsibility. It makes me blue.

So whenever I feel melancholy, I listen to country music. It either has something to match my mood, or a little pick me up. This music drives everybody in my family, except my mom and my kids, NUTS. Nobody can understand what I see in country music. I used to feel the same way until one of my co-workers (in Michigan) came to live with me and got me hooked. (I miss Bethany sometimes.) I sometimes find myself singing along and feeling better by the time I get home. Most of the time, it adds to the mood or just suits it.

Today, September 28, 2006

I received an email today from Mr. Michigan. Do you know how positively frustrating this whole thing is? Here I am bob, bob, bobbing along – everything is peachy keen – then bam!! Here comers that annoying pinging noise in the background again. :-{ He tells me that if I miss him then I will call – he sounds like a scene from Field of Dreams. Wotfuckinever!!! Why should I call him?? I don’t get anything from a conversation with him but frustration.

Saturday, I received a tid-bit of info that made me feel uneasy – although I’m not really sure why. I guess for ya’ll to understand this one you half to know some of the story.

When my ex-husband and I broke up, a mutual friend of ours became involved. We lost touch with him over the years. At first this friend was just a friend – seeing that he was married and all. Our friendship grew into a relationship that was platonic with a great deal of emotional attachment.

Dougy was this object of comfort throughout my world of despair!!! Dougy would make sure that I knew that he cared. I remember one very cold day around Christmas, he called me and told me that I had a snowman on my vehicle. Seeing that there was no snow on the ground, I told him that he was crazy. He insisted that I look out the window and at my car. So I did, and I found a yard decoration of a snowman on my windshield. This is one of the things that still makes me smile.

I look back at our relationship now and see that it was a rebound from breaking it off with my ex. My feelings grew quite strong for him and he promised that he was going to make sure that I was going to be taken care of. After taking care of almost everything for 6 years it was a pretty dream. And soon I was up to my neck in empty promises and had fallen hard...Now do you have this picture in your head of this evil person who is trying to take somebody's husband away yet? This is the picture that my ex painted and showed to Doug's wife when he found out that Doug and I were "seeing" each other. So to make what's turning into a very long story short, Douglas stopped calling, paging, coming by, very abruptly. (understandable, but it still broke my heart and helped snap what was left of my sanity.) I still get tears in my eyes when I think about it.

So picture it in your head - Tinkie had enough of the husband's bullshit - throws him out - was alone for about a month while she cooled down. Decided that she needed her husband after all and asked for him to come back and was told that was nothing to come back to and there is no more "us". Found comfort with somebody else as she was licking her wounds, and then the rug that she was sitting upon was yanked out from underneath...on top of it all, she was losing the apartment because she didn't have a sitter to watch the kids during the week so she can work, she asked for help with the rent and was told that she wanted the divorce - deal with it, instead of a rent payment so the kids and her can continue to live in the apartment- she got a cheesy diamond ring for Christmas and an eviction notice to boot. She asked for help one more time - this time was for help with the kids and to clean the apartment and was told by the ex husband that he had more important things to do - she snapped. Already on 2 kinds anti-depressants - she gave him an ultimatum, either stay and help please or she will swallow the pills - he turned and left, at that point she swallowed a whole bottle of anti-depressants.

I have come a long way from that nightmare. (After a week of being in the psych ward, my brother, Dutch, took me in, gave me a couch to sleep on, and took care of me. Now do ya'll see why my brother, Dutch, is my hero??)

So now you are asking yourself - why did she tell us all of that. Actually I am surprised I found you all the way down here - I usually stop in the middle of long blogs and go to something else and come back to them. OK...BACK TO THE SUBJECT AT HAND.

On Sunday, I found out that there is something called divine justice. Doug and his wife are splitting up and getting divorced. Actually, I am surprised that they made it this long. I want to feel bad about it - but something inside of me says serves him right. He was miserable when we started seeing each other. He didn't want to be married and I was vulnerable and he decided to take advantage of it. Then there is the other side of me that thinks about the snowman on the car window, the pages with our little special codes, the drives to the cider mill. My friend. I do miss him a lot and wish I could be there for him - but now that I think about it clearly - It's better that I'm here!!

I don't really know why I told you all of this. I think the more I go over it all in my head - even though it happened 7 years ago- I pick up things that I missed and analyze them and put them in a box in the back of my head.

My life is 10x better than it was 7 years ago. I have my children, my extra children, and Goof and the rest of my family here with me. And I thank God that they are here. :-)

The Long Winded List Stolen From Scribe Who Stole It From Gretta.....and so on and so on.....

2006-09-26T19:19:00.000-05:00

I stole the following questonnaire from my favorite crazy person - not because I have nothing to do...but because I don't want to have to sit in front of my kids and watch them do their homework - I can scream at them between questions- not because I am bored - who can be bored with all the fun stuff you find on blogger??? - BUT BECAUSE I CAN!!!! :-)

1.When is the last time you held hands with someone? Sunday afternoon - I made the comment to Goof that our hands fit perfectly together...he rolled his eyes at me as he grinned.

2. If you were drafted into a war, would you survive? Probably, because I would run and hide underneath the first mailbox I come to.

3. Have you ever drank milk straight out of the carton? EWWW!! Have you ever smelled a milk carton....yuck!! I usually drink juice out of the carton...only when there is only enough for one glass.

4. Have you ever won a spelling competition? Yes - but it wasn't a competition it was spelling baseball - and I won the toss only because I spelled the word Angel right...the dummy boy who spelled it before me spelled it angle.

5. How fast can you type? NO!! and the funny thing is that I'm a secretary!

6. Are you afraid of the dark? YES...only when I can't see my hand in front of my face and I'm alone.

7. Eye color? purple with organge polka dots.

8. When is the last time you chose a bath over a shower? I can't remember - I don't like baths too much

9. Do you knock on wood? The last time I knocked on wood was Goof's head

10. Are you drinking anything right now? The Wal-Mart equivalent to Strawberry Crystal Light

11. Do you think you're attractive? It depends on what time of the month it is.

12. Can you hoola hoop? NO

13. Are you good at keeping secrets? Yeah, I knew Scribe's secret about Dutch and never told anybody - until I found out that Greenpeace guy was my Lesbian lover. Poor Gertrude.

14. What do you want for Christmas? A clean room and a dead laundry monster.

15. Do you know the Muffin Man? The muffin man? The muffin man? The one on Drury Lane???

16. Do you talk in your sleep? I'm not really sure anybody can understand it between the snoring.

17. Who wrote the book of love? There is a book really?

18. Have you ever flown a kite? Too much work.

19. Do you consider yourself successful? (I agree with Scribe's answer) BWAAA HAAAA HAAA haaaaa…Oh, I’m sorry, that was a serious question…what I meant to say was, BWAAAA HHHAAAAA haaaa

20. How many people are on your contact list of your cell? I'm not really sure - why is that relevant??

21. Have you ever asked for a pony? No I asked for a horse.

22. Plans for tomorrow? Work, homework...and ...ummmm....dinner??

23. Missing someone now? WITH EVERY SHOT SO FAR!!!

24. When was the last time you told someone 'I love you?' About 5:30 pm.

25. How are you feeling today? PMS SUCKS!!

26. Are happy with your life right now? For the most part

27. Have you ever been suspended or expelled from school? No

28. What are you looking forward to? Bedtime

29. Have you ever crawled through a window? Yes

30. Have you ever eaten dog food? No but my youngest "A" ate Koi food at Seaworld once!!!

31. Can you handle the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH - oh you meant me!!

32. Do you like green eggs and ham? No I do not like Green Eggs and Ham, I do not like them Sam I am. I will not eat them in a box, I will not eat them with a fox. I will not eat the in a house I will not eat them with a mouse. I will not eat them hear or there, I will not eat them ANYWHERE!!!! I do not eat Green Eggs and Ham, I do not like them Sam I am!!!! DAMMIT!!

33. What 3 things do you always bring with you to places? My Kids - "V", "J", and "A" its a very heavy thing to carry

34. Any cool scars? Yes, check it out!!!

35. Do you like or have a crush on anyone? That's for me to know and you to find out!!! :-D

36. How many kids do you plan on having? NONE - oh wait... I have kids already...is this question relevant??

37. What do you do when no one is watching? shower naked??

38. Have you ever been in love? Yes

39. Do you talk to yourself? Yes, I am the most clear-headed person I know

40. Is there something you want that you can't have? A perfect credit score??

41. Things about the opposite sex that you first notice? Eyes,

42. What are you thinking about right now? The bathroom is calling me - no wait...that's the other voice in my head.

43. Who did you last hug? One of my kids...I'm not really sure who it was

44. Who did you last kiss? One of my kids....I'm not really sure who it was

45. Where is your phone? One of my kids...no...sorry, I was on a roll!! I don't know where my phone is...let me ring it!!

46. What was the last thing you ate? A cinnamon stick from Pizza Hut

47. Favorite Color? Blue, Green, Purple, Pink

48. What is the last movie watched? North Country

49. What song do you currently hear? Something that "A" is singing...it's quite annoying

50. What do you want? FINISHED HOMEWORK BEFORE I GET HOME!!!

51. Would you ever date anyone on your friends list? BEEN THERE DONE THAT!!

All done!!

2006-09-19T14:17:00.000-05:00

I have just realized that fall is upon us once more.

Fall is my favorite season. The heat of the summer diminishes, the nights get longer, and we gain an extra hour of sleep at the end of October. (woo hoo - more sleep!) I used to get depressed during this time of year because you really can't tell fall from summer here in Texas until about the end of October - maybe the middle of November. I missed the color change, the crisp fall air, the feeling like everything is getting ready for that nice long winter nap. I like the smell of fall air, the crunch of the leaves under my feet, the fall decor in the stores, decorating for HALLOWEEN. It still seems a little odd decorating for Halloween wearing shorts - but in time I got used to it.

I think the main thing that kept me from acclimating (is that spelled right?) to my surroundings here in Texas is the fact that I was telling myself not to like it here because I was going to be leaving soon. Mr. Michigan was going to come riding up on his white stallion and carry me off into the sunset, take me to this little home that he had just for me, the kids and him and we would live happily ever after. HA!! Boy was I ever wearing a pair of very rosey glasses. Since then, I have taken off those glasses...traded them for a newer pair - ones that are clear and I can actually see out of.

Now, I can actually look forward to fall again. I find myself looking for things to be happy about, rather than things to miss about Michigan. I actually got excited that it rained the other day!!! Have you ever smelled the rain when it first hits the hot pavement??? It's the best smell in the world!! My mom put up her scarecrow welcome sign on the front door. :-) It has actually cooled down some. This morning it was 65 degrees outside and "A" said "Mommy, it's cold outside" and immediately got her sweater on and a pair of gloves and went looking for a scarf so she wouldn't be cold on the bus stop. (I had to chuckle.)

I look forward to High School Football season now - a sign of a true Texan!! I'm wanting to go to Homecoming this year. I have been saying that for a long time now, this year I might go. :-) I'll go on a date with my Dad. :-) who by the way went to the same high school.

Ok...I have to get back to work!! Later Gators!! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo!!

The River

2006-09-19T09:59:00.000-05:00

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large, raging violent river.

Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, "God, please give me the strength to cross the river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "God, please giveme strength and the tools to cross the river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed, "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river." Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

2006-09-14T23:42:00.000-05:00

The tone of my last blog was really blah...so I thought that this will be a blog of things that put a smile on my face. So I went through the enormous pic file that i had and posted only a few things that put a smile on my face. I need to put an album together of happy things!!! ANYWAY...ENJOY!!

2006-09-14T23:41:00.000-05:00