Pity Party #1

It's the end of October. The weather is cooler and I'm looking forward to winter and a start of a new year. The funny thing is I'm not looking forward to the holidays. I am not looking forward to family gatherings. I think it is safe to say that I want to just crawl under this rock with my name on it and let life pass me by. Scorpio nature, I guess.

March 29, 2008 was the happiest day in my life. I married my best friend in the whole world. Since that day, our children have tested that love and commitment. Let me tell you it has been a big test. Our household holds one less as this child decided to live with his mother because he didn't like the way our household was being ran.

Before my grandmother passed, she told me that I am the heart of my family. I feel like I have let her down. For the sake of the peace in the household, we decided to let one go. Our household is a little more calm. It's still a little chaotic, but its family life.

I am working at a grocery store now. I think life has made a full circle now. I have made a complete 360 and I'm back to where I started. I rose above the muck that I was in for while, and now I'm back to where I was when I fell into that muck. The only thing that's different is I am happily married. So now where do I go from here??

My mom says that I need to make goals. I need to write goals and stick them everywhere. OMG, even if I think that it would work for me, I think twice about doing it because I don't want my husband thinking that I'm a dork. I think the one goal I have in my life right now is not to eat the entire kitchen in one day. So do I write on a piece of paper .... DO NOT EAT THE ENTIRE KITCHEN IN ONE DAY?? and where do I put it?? On the cupboards and the fridge??

Sigh. I love my pity parties.

Why?

Ok...I have just one question.

Why do solicitors when they call are so polite on the phone until you tell them that the person they are looking for is unavailable and then they don't tell you thank you for your time in answering the phone or just tell ok...bye now...they just hang up?

I MEAN HOW RUDE!

Is it their goal to get as many phone calls in a minute that they can't give you the common courtesy to end the phone conversation that they started instead of just disconnecting the line. I mean I have to stop what I am doing, answer the phone, and then write who ever called, then try to find my place where I stopped and continue working. Is it so much to ask for common courtesy?

I Wonder

Why is it so easy to think that just because I have a family I do not want to be disturbed? I call Douglas all the time...he has a family. If he can't talk, or doesn't want to talk he doesn' t answer the phone - which lately is more often than not.

Even though I have people all around me, all the frickin time, I'm lonely. I have John to talk to but it's not the same as having a person to just talk to about EVERYTHING. I miss having my cousin around - we are likes sisters. She's 45 miles away- and the phone reception in D'Hanis is really bad....So I don't get to talk to her that much.

I never really had very many friends growing up. I was sorta awkward. As I grew up, I found friends here and there, but they never really stuck around. I guess that's just how it is and how things work with me. I don't normally go out and when I do I keep to myself. I come off as not sociable and unfriendly. It comes from being picked on all the time as a kid - kids can be so cruel sometimes. I learned to tolerate it, and just move on and keep to myself. My kids are the opposite of me. They are so outgoing and they make friends easy. Jared can talk your ear off if you let him. Adults are amazed at some of the stuff that Jared knows and how easy he can talk about it....if you are ever around Jared, strike up a conversation with him...you won't be sorry.

Anyway...enough of the poor me bit. I do have to get to work. (time to make the donuts)

Friday started out with Breakfast at McDonalds

Today is John's birthday! Happy Birthday Sweetie!!

Like any other day, it was a chore to get him up- but because I had a good nights rest last night it wasn't so irritating. It's amazing what Tylenol PM can do for a pounding sinus headache.

My nose is still stuffy, and I can't taste anything AGAIN! I hope that I can get my sinuses clear so I can taste dinner tonight - we are going to Pappadeaux! This is John's favorite place to eat....pretty damn expensive - but it's his birthday what the hell.

So this morning, John is running late AGAIN. So I offered to get breakfast because things run so much smoother on breakfast than without....I asked him what he wanted ...he said "surprise me" SO GUESS WHAT I BOUGHT? Yep you guessed it.........MICKEY DEES. I love thier sausage mcmuffin with egg. I could eat those for breakfast everyday! If you are looking for a great breakfast sandwich, go to McDonalds.

Wedding Update - I haven't got a clue where we are at in this....and THIS IS MY WEDDING? I bought the jar and little vases for the sand/salt ceremony that we are going to have. This is kinda like a unity candle - but with salt/sand....

Last Wednesday, John's mentor died. He was working on a truck and didn't have the wheels chocked and was pulling the drive shaft and the truck rolled on his chest. He died about 2 minutes after that. :-( It was a tragic accident for somebody who was loved by all. I never got to know him, but at his ulogy I cried because I missed out on meeting such a great man. John took it very hard but handled it very well. I am glad that I was there for him....

We bought a suit for John for the funeral - omg!! I never really realized that suits cost so much. We went to the men's wearhouse - which is probably why it cost so much, but he got a nice suit. I was impressed how well he cleans up. In total - the price of the suit and the shirts, ties, a belt and suspenders (when he discovered that the belt didn't really work and suspenders worked better) and socks to go with the suit, I would say that we spent over $500 getting him ready for the funeral...but also we got him ready for the wedding as well. It's all a bit overwhelming to say the least. We spent more on his suit - than my dress...there is something wrong with this whole thing....hmmmm. I haven't even thought about my dress....ugh. I'm a fat cow....i need to lose about 5,000,000 lbs.

But the church has been paid for...and I have the invitations to send out. The room for the luncheon has been reserved....we need to buy the rings, my dress, shoes for the girls and Zack and Me, get Vicki's dress altered, and the salt and pastels (to color the salt) for the salt/sand ceremony....I'm still wanting to tear my hair out. How do people plan big weddings without going nuts?

MI VIDA LOCA!

It's strange the way things work out.

You know about 4 years ago, I would have told you that my ex-boyfriend was it. He was my world, my everything. My connection to the world outside the big state of Texas.

OMG - I was such an ignorant asshole. He was my everything, but I wasn't his everything. When push came to shove, he would not commit, and made deals instead of giving in and committing. Anything but tell me that I was it.

It's funny. I had a page on Cafemom. I since then deleted it. I found this person that is dating somebody exactly like my ex. They live in Michigan...what a coinky dink. She has kids. It's funny that the daughter seems to be 5 years old, going on 6...and I have been here for 6 years. They have a baby and it looks exactly like his mom.....HELLO...what the heck was I thinking? CHECK IT OUT Is it cynical to think that he had this whole other life up there that I wasn't apart of. I guess that it would be kinda silly...how would he explain the trips to Texas? But you know - maybe he didn't commit to her like he didn't commit to me. Thinking this way make it easier to dislike him and disassociate myself from him. People who knew my ex should see resemblance.

Anyway! As many of you know, I am getting married. We set the date for March 29, 2008. YIKES...2 months and 4 days to plan.

I HAVE DISCOVERED EBAY. I have found some really good deals on dresses for the girls...and I have found a dress for me and it didn't cost me $100.00. wow. I think in total - our dresses costed me - $100.00 totall. Not bad for 4 people....my dress is the more expensive of the 4....being $60.00 to SH.

So with that taken care of, I have to worry about the boys and John. Shoes, and other things that go underneath the dresses, and socks, hair prettys, flowers, the luncheon - which I thought was ok until DUTCH told me that the place I picked had cold food....so now I'm stressing about the luncheon.....and HOW I AM GOING TO TELL MY BOSS THAT THE LUNCHEON IS FOR FAMILY ONLY.... then the cake....the sand ceremony....it all seemed relatively easy...until I started to add it all together.... then I have to plan for my hair, what the heck am I going to do with the girls' hair?....I'M GOING NUTS....help!

All of this and I have a house to run, cats to feed, dogs to feed, kids to feed, a fiance that plays constant warcraft....and a laundry monster that breathes as we speak. TGIF!

So what's new with all of you??